刀割与勇气。

我又再次体会了心如刀割的滋味。

碎裂的心靠着那些许的连丝勉强的维持，脆弱得恰似即将土崩瓦解的破屋残瓦，微风细雨随时成为它坍塌的原因。让我心痛的是他那伤人恼人的只字片语，而更多的是当他心中挣扎的时候，我只能无助的旁观，我能够为他分担解忧得是多么的有限。我多想飞到你身旁，陪伴着你。但是，我不能，现实环境的因素不允许，还有的是你需要那自己的空间来深思些自身的问题。我不能为满足自己而徇私。

我对他的承诺，我会守。可是，我同时也想为他做点什么。。。我会的。

虽然心碎，我的心绪却异常的平静。为何呢？我是知道的。历尽伤痛背叛的心，已经学会如何勇敢积极的正视面对波荡浮沉的感情。如今，我对曾经伤害我的人，衷心的感谢，是你们让我学会如何坚强。

我是开朗得，我是乐观得，我是无俱无畏的勇者仁者。就如我对自己的期望，我将挥洒我手中的利剑和智慧，尽我所能的度过满布荆棘的前路。

相处。

电话声响起了，他接了。他说他在忙着，我们说不上两句就收讯了。

电话声再次响起了，他没接。

电话声再次响起了，他没接。

电话声再次响起了，他接了。他说他跟他朋友在聚会。我想要他尽兴得玩，说不上两句，又再次收讯。

之后，我发了封短信，说道，“Hmmm... You enjoy your time with your fren, dear... Just let me know when you wanna talk... I think couple should talk over the phone, especially when one is away... I wanna know how are you doing...”。那时的心情忐忑不安，毕竟他离开了的这些天，我们还没真的好好说上几句。我是想他的，想跟他聊聊有得没得，想轻松的闲话家长。同时间，我要给他，给他所需要的空间，也就如我般，我也需要那些许自己的空间。因此在他不在的这些天，我把对他的思念收起了，我也只是偶尔说起，也尽量不施加多余的压力。

其实，我只是很单纯得想寻觅我两沟通的方法。

他没回我短信。怀着郁闷的心情，过了一天。。。

终于，我在线上遇见他，稍微的聊起，也没哆嗦几句，我就下线了。原因呢？原因就在于他无法畅所欲言。我跟他说我不想在这情况下跟他聊，我就下线了。虽然如此，我的心情却平复了许多。

。。。之后，又是仓促的三言两语和他没回的短信。。。

终于，他对我说了原因。他还不能完全释然。他是习惯熟悉的把心情和心事放在心中，而我的出现，我想分享他生活点滴的期望，却扰乱了他的心绪。他倍感压力。他觉得没了隐私和空间缩少了。他也不想回我短信。顿时，我懊恼了。我懊恼自己慢三拍的后知后觉。我什么也没想的，就安抚他，跟他道歉，想对我无意间施加的压力说声道歉。但是，更多的是他自己心中，自己与自己的挣扎。与此同时，他又怕没话题聊。有时，他甚至于置疑这段感情。

而我呢？我完全不觉的与他分享生活小事是个问题。当我决定跟他在一起的时候，我就决定了，我要对他坦白，我要信任他，我要对他有信心。。。这是我的选择。有时我会当心有的没的，就好比他所说的没话题。可是，我们从相识到一起的时间是相当的短，有些事是需要时间的。毕竟月前，我们还是生活圈没有交集的陌路人。他对我有所保留，我是能体谅的，我也不要求他需要在特定时间内敞开心闸。他需要的是他自己自我探索的步调。我衷心期望能有那么一天。再之有时，我也怀疑我是否爱他？我喜欢他的那分心意是肯定的，但爱呢？爱是需要时间累积而成的，混杂的不只是爱情，更有的是友情与亲情。虽说如此，我感觉到爱早已在心中不知觉的萌芽了。我何时才发现那早已存在的心意？那是当他离开几天后的事了。

我始终相信相识必定是有缘，就如星云法师所说，“今生一照面，多少香火缘。”般。再加上，我两的相识历程，更让我格外珍惜这分情意，惜缘。

说真的，我很高兴他对我说他现在所面对的，至少，他的心门已稍开了缝隙。矛盾的是，我同时也担心他，深怕他急着想找出路，轻易的划上句号说再见。我多么希望那刻我能够在他身旁，就静静的伴着他。。。我不愿是他生命里的插曲，也不愿是那主曲。我只希望他能让我在旁陪着，聆听着他所哼出的每一个生活小调。

我是否有做不好的地方？我想了一整晚，我做不好的就在于我潜意识的忽略了他的心情，完全没察觉到我的关心和寻找沟通的手法带给了他无形的压力。可能是自身的阅历和惯性的乐观，我要求他能够做的相对的勉强，而我却不知觉。。。但是如果不是这样，他会否真的对我开启心扉呢？而我又是否应对他不言不语不闻不问直到他回来墨尔本呢？我不能，我做不到。。。

我到底能够做些什么？我想了一整晚，我能够做的只有往后退一步，让他拥有更多的空间，再加上几帖的体恤和谅解。除此之外，我真的毫无办法。我只能静静的，默默的的等待。。。两人之间的互相扶持是重要的，他会让我知道当他需要帮助的时候吗？我希望他会。。。

两人之间多多少少都会有起与伏。没有暗流汹涌和绚丽彩虹，哪会显的出人生多彩？我相信耐心与努力，更重的是我们对彼此的情谊，暴风雨后的曙光将会在不久之后。这是我对我两的期许。

2008 Resolution.

Couple of days ago, I was chatting with a friend over the internet. She asked me, “What are your new year resolutions?” Without a second thought, I replied in haste.

I will be healthy.

I will do well in my very first job.

I will have achieved my saving target for investment.

Boy and I will have formed a stronger foundation for our relationship.

The people around me will enjoy their life in fullness and bless with happiness.

These were the ones that popped out of my mind then. After couple days, I still cannot think of anything more than that.

These are my 2008 resolution and I will work hard for it!

Human Rights Day.

10th December ---> Human Rights Day...

Reading various articles about the current human rights issues yesterday, I couldn't help thinking, what does it really mean? How does it translucent into actual action and something more than papers?

Headlines such as China Bad Records in Human Right, Human Rights Violation in Zimbabwe, Genocide in West Papua... flashed out every now and then on the news channel certainly help none to answer my question. How about some of the well developed western nation?

In a nut shell ---> 1. The Right to Equality 2. The Right to Freedom 3. The Right to Freedom of Religion 4. The Right against Exploitation 5. Cultural and Educational Rights 6. The Right to Constitutional Remedies.

Yes, indeed I found some clues, yet not quite… However after a deeper thought, I wonder do they practise it thoroughly? I have serious doubt.

I was reading the newspaper then ---> 1. US faked details and mislead the international community in waring Iraq 2. US tolerate the militaria dictatorship in Pakistan 3. Russia's strong fist action on Chechnya rebels 4. Portugal and Spain's strong position against separatists 5. Israel's arguable action on Palestine, alright I will say invasive...

It seems to me that human rights vary depending on situations. Rather than being a value or norm, it looks more like an excuse to intervene under the name of national interests and securities. Human rights with a labelled condition? Isn't it hypocritical?

Should human rights have to fit within a size 4 dress that those in power define it as perfect? I don’t know the right answer for that and I doubt even so. The day when everyone is happy is yet anywhere near.

I merely hope for the basic of the basics that poverty will be a word in history and no more war.

Road to end job hunting.

It is 1:23am in the morning and I am still awake. Not that I choose to, just that after 3 hours of struggling to fall into sleep, anyone would give up on sleeping for the time being...

It has been a long while since my last post, many things had happened and I am simply too lazy to write. Yap, no excuse. Other than my usual enjoying life, one thing that really been squeezing my brain was my job hunting.

After some efforts, *well... many will say that my effort is almost none, but still...* I finally got a graduate offer! Yeah, it should be something worth well to celebrate, but not quite so.

I had always intended to start my first career in Singapore, follow by Australia and then Malaysia. So when I applied for the Maxis executive graduate program, it was more like applying it for fun. The position description looks fantastic and why not. That was my one and only job application for Malaysia. Ironically, that become my first offer!

I could not start wondering was it a big joke or some meant to be challenge? I asked myself... As offer was made on spot, it pretty much left me with not much time to consider. As a result, I took the offer. Having said so, I still find it hard to accept the pay being puny when spend out of Malaysia *I know I should not compare, but...* and concern whether my skin color will a problem to climb the corporate ladder... ya da ya da... Nonetheless, that was the right thing to do at that moment, as that was the only offer on the table.

Having that on my mind for weeks, not gone... I went for some other interviews. Unexpectedly or should I say expected, *not so sure...* I got my first offer in Australia and something pretty good. I was given a place in the Telstra graduate program, one of the eight offers in Melbourne. On top of that, the salary package is great, I will be working in Melbourne CBD... It did not take me a second to think whether to accept the offer when the news was broken to me. I took it. Reflecting back, this offer fits exactly what I have been looking in Australia so far.

I am feeling great! Even after a week, I still feel that!

Things slowly fall into place and it is gonna be better. I deeply believe!

One thing I do learn about all this job hunting is that one has to be patience, patience and patience. It is just a matter of time. Having said so, it is never easy. Knowing it and accepting it, is totally two different things.

I hope my bed is calling now... I really need to sleep for an early morning and I ain't feeling sleepy. *cry*

Let it be.

Sitting in front of the computer, listening to the musics, typing this article...

The weather out there looks great, sunny + clear blue sky, what else can you ask for? However, I am rather moody... I could feel layers and layers of dark clouds started to cuddle inside me, a heavy rain to be is predictable... I guess my running nose is part of the reasons.

Early in the morning, couple of messages popped. I crawled out of my blanket, grabbed my cell and had a quick browse. Lying back on my bed, looking upon the ceiling, my brain remained blank for the next couple of minutes. I know what I should do, but don't feel great on doing so... I replied.

Things come and go in a pace you will never expect. When you think you have already lose it, it appears out of no where. How will this unfold? I so hope that things can be as simple as Q&A in the Frequently Asked Question. Every questions can be answered with a straight forward manner and you don't need to worry about the after effect as much.

I said, "Let it be..." to comfort myself.

Suitable choice.

One thing that I always realise in life is that there is no such thing as absolute.

The world is not simply black and white. Thus, neither right nor wrong is the exact answer to the many questions that bothers one. In most occasions, one gain some and lose some either ways the decision go. It is whether or not one gets what one thinks one wants. The answer to that is yet to be answered, as we never really know what the other choices will lead us to... In the end, it kind of come down a chicken or egg dilemma...

To complicate the situation, we have human. Human with distinct background, mindset, culture, ethic, class, colour, perspective, desire and such. To sum it all in one word, different. One's right is other's wrong, one's best is other's worst, so on and so on...

Just recently, I have to wear my Mr Big Bad Wolf mask and be crude to cut someone off. Although I feel bad and words are hurtful, it has to be done. If not, it will drag on and end up even uglier. Probably what I did is wrong or self fish, but it is the best way I can think of to break through such dilemma. I ask myself whether I regret doing so? I don't. Having said so, the feeling sucks big time...

When my age was still on the single digit, my little brain up there was, should I say adventurous or should I say looking for trouble, tried to find a solution to that. However, it ended up no where. Probably it wasn't time then to figure out... While now, I guess I have somehow convinced myself it is merely suitability. Whether it is right or wrong? I don't know.

"Is it that important?" I asked myself...

Bang! Bang!

A normal day, a normal morning, little would I expect such an early call. I reached to my jeans for my mobile. It was a message.

Yong, "Hey good morning, just wanna let u guys know. There is shooting going on in the city n the gun man is still out there. Be careful."

I thought someone was just being nasty in the morning and went back to bed...

...

Later in the afternoon, I realised that it was not a joke. A man was trying to drag a lady into the cab early this morning. While the lady resisted and attracted passers by attentions. Few approached to extend their help to the lady. The man laid his hands off the lady, pulled out his gun and started to shoot. "Bang! Bang!" A man collapsed and was killed instantly with two shots. The shooting continued and couple fell injured...

The thought of it can happen to anyone of us, freaks me out and gives me this creepy feeling. Somehow, it also reminds me of my conversation with mum days ago. I am still indecisive whether or not to leave Melbourne. She advised me to stay on and was showing her concern about the current situation in JB. It is a Sin City literally these days. Rape, robbery, murder... You name it. Caleb was back in JB few weeks ago and he was shocked by the situation. Jiang was just talking about the car accident scandal days ago. There was this comment, "if you have not been a victim of a crime, then you are not from JB..." How sad to hear that...

Although authorities claims crime rate has reduced, hardly anyone feel the situation is getting in control. The fact that the recent rape case victims being ping pong from one police station to another when attempting to make reports, do give some clues on why crime rates have reduced. I can't stop doubting whether or not the government's plan in developing the southern region will succeed with disturbing frequency of crimes happening these days.

Am I gonna be the next victim with a bang? Fingers crossed, hopefully not...

Cracking principles

What will you normally relate a rock with? Stable, tough, reliable, dependable, fundamental, conservative, reluctant or merely just another word for stubborn?

Somehow, I always think of stubbornness, like me.

I have certain core fundamental values that which I do not trade off. It is the basic that juggles the many decisions that I make in life. It is a way how I seek a balance point. Like a rock, it doesn't just break or shatter with few desperate attempts. In most instances, it remains still and firm, static against time, a hard foundation to many. Having said so, anything above the bottom line will remain dynamic and flexible. It can be negotiated. In most instances, the open personality of mine is known by many, while the hard-headed personality is only glimpsed by few.

However, not a thing is eternal static. We grow as time flies, after the chilly winter comes the warm spring, sun sets while moon rises...

The same applies to a rock. It breaks to smaller stones. Then, it cracks into smaller pebbles. Later, it becomes finer sand...

Some of the principles I glued along with for years was out of my mind for moments. Moments when I had completely forget till a point. A point when all these values virtually slapped me back. At that instance, I was shocked and felt sudden awaken from nightmare. All these principles hit me hard as it had never before.

I have been thinking of what had happened for the couple of days and I asked myself, "Do I feel remorseful?" and the true answer, "I don't know." I know that I should not have done so. I can find reasons to defend myself, but it will be dishonest. The truth is I was weak...

Gandhi once said, "A principle is the expression of perfection, and as imperfect beings like us cannot perfect perfections, we devise every moment limits of its compromise in practise." and I think I can now say he has a point or an excuse for me.

Nonetheless, I am able to look into myself once again.

He ain't heavy, he's my father

If you have been watching Cantonese movies for long, you might not hear of "He ain't heavy, he's my father", but you will probably hear of "新难兄难弟". A 1993 film with big names, such as 梁家辉, 梁朝伟, 袁咏仪, 刘嘉玲, 陈可辛... *Sorry... Don't know their English name...* The story talked about Yuen scorns his father, who he thinks is too generous and forgiving. Through a time travel gimmick, Yuen meets his parents during their joyous courtship. Yuen comes to understand and admire his dad, and reflect on his own moral defects. A story with much to think of and reflect on, especially, on the way how people deal with relationships.

It is one of my all time favourites.

So when Winnie told me about the screen play in Melbourne Uni, I said yes without a second thoughts. However, I was not impressed at all. Well... I do understand that it was a student play and I should not be complaining as much, but I have to pay $15 to get a seat. Frankly speaking, it did not worth that price with my critique hat on. Some of the actors did not bring out the essence of the characters and some were just trying too hard. The side dialogue was a bit disengaging instead of engaging. The pace of the play could be better. *For many moments, I had almost fallen asleep* Also, I was hoping for some new ideas integrated into the script and apparently not. Having said so, the stage setting was quite nice and the mother-in-law character was well played.

*Hmmm...*

For some I-do-not-know reasons, the play gave me an unsettle feeling and there was a sense of creepiness... *It somehow reminds me of The Butterfly Effect... Yikes!*

Never Give Up!

Yesterday, I was on the phone with Anne, getting some feedbacks on one of my gazillions cover letter. Somehow, the grumpy cat started to nag and nag on his hurdles on job hunting. *Can't help it sometimes...* My dear friend was really patience with my frustrations and had been a fantastic listener, listening to my problems. Every now and then, whispered some words of wisdoms, shared some of her and her friends' experiences.

One of them sticks to my mind, "Never give up!"

It hit me! Knowing bits and pieces of what she went through in the past, somehow, I felt more settle. I guess at that point, she became inspirational and revitalise my restless soul.

At that moment, I started to reflect. Frankly speaking, I had only been on the hunt for 6 weeks and considered what Louisa said on one fine day, "Average time needed for a graduate to get a job in Australia is at least 3 to 6 months." What am I complaining? Plus, I am not yet a graduate. Other than slapping myself for complicated my own situation myself, no others I could blame.

Later, aunt called from Malaysia. She gave me some comfort and encouragements. The feeling of unproductive was inflicting me badly then. By the end of the day, things that don't kill you will just make you stronger. No choice, but to take it easy now. *crossed fingers*

Thanks Anne and aunt. Much appreciated and well kept in heart *smile*

Virginia Tech Massacre

In one day, 30+ people died...

The next day, President Bush, "Blar... blar... blar..."

The following day, Gun Laws is still loose as before and is getting thinner.

When will the bugging high flies start to think straight and perfer to make love instead of more war and violent?

Rest peace soul... May the scars and wounds fade one day... one day...

Birth and death

Early in the morning, I called Yaso, wanted to give her a surprise and had lunch with her. She is one of those who I misses heaps, she is a life mentor and a good friend. As she picked my call, the mood shifted instantly. I was expecting a polite and joyful sound from the other end, instead, it was low, sad, anytime-tears-coming-out voice...

Yaso' father had just passed away.

Foolishly, I asked her,"are you sad?". What was I thinking... *ARRGGGGHHHHHH!!!! someone just slap me please!!!!* Who would not be sad! I guess I was just too shock and words just popped out... Losing someone who one cares so much, can be a huge pain and a hollow one. Just like being pierced through by a javelin, something is missing and the emptiness in heart. Nothing that one can do to fill it up, only time will able to mend the scar. Even so, every now and then, it still hits your guts... Sometimes, I just think why am I doing this to myself?

...

Later that night, something good strike. My uni mate, Peter has just become a father~ I feel happy and joy for him. Also, I feel warm flowing through and it feels good. A father, my friend. It just reminds me of getting old... *Ahem...* I mean mature...

birth and death is just part of life... *trying to remember what Buddha said...*

Something just happened

I was in shock when mum told me that Esther was in the operation. For a moment, I thought that mum was just kidding over the phone... She wasn't.

Esther was doing high jumping during her PE class. When she fell, she missed the mats and hit the cement floor. It was a bad accident. The impact was hard and parts of her skull was cracked. The operation took more than 3 hours to complete. For God's sake, the impact was not on the brain. It was on the side of her ears and she is recovering quite quick. Nonetheless, everyone is still pretty nervous on the circumstances.

Considering that we just had breakfast on Sunday, never in our mind that this would happen, at least not so soon... Just feel that things do catch you off guard every now and then, can this be prevented? Or everything was preplanned... Hmmm... ... ... feel a sudden fragility...

Happy Chinese New Year...

Chinese New Year, it should be full of joy. Yes, indeed... However... To me, there is sadness to it. I just got rejected. The festive mood is hardly there...

Only when... Only when dad smiled brightly, had his hand on my head, wished me a happy new year... Only when mum laughed loudly on the great things... Only when my little nephews and nieces give me a hi five on hand... Only when my cousin uncle introduce me his wife... Only when knowing my god sister is getting married in a month plus time... Only when I hug my god father... Only when my long lost touched mates came together again... Only when... ... ... I can feel the joy in heart, inflicted by the festive season.

Then, it was moments of emptiness. Something is missing. I feel all my positive energy is sucked out of my body... I feel hollow... down... down...

Rejection is common, who has not gone through it? However, knowing it and able to accepting it, is different. It is a sucky feeling. Not good at all... not good... Especially from those who you care and feel for. If I can cry out loud and release the bitterness, that will be great. I can't... If I can instantly forget and release myself from the misery, that will be great. I can't... If I can choose not to love one who does not love me and release myself from the pain. I can't... If I can... ... ... ... I can't.

Relationship is a two ways thing, regardless of its context. It can't work only on one side, just like clapping with only one hand, it just ain't gonna sound. I know and I am writing it... Am I trying to convince myself? ... However, will anyone just simply move on without trying harder? I don't know the answer for that. For me, I will wait and try harder, even knowing that it does not always work out with hard work. Maybe, maybe not... ... ... too much things flashing through my mind... ... it is getting harder and harder to put down all in words...

Happy Chinese New Year. I wish you all are blessed, surrounded by your love ones and have peace in heart.

Good morning 2007 and goodbye 2006

As the fireworks shooting high up in the sky, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1~ Happy New Year! Everyone in the room gave one another a warm hug and greeted with wishful words. Then, there was champagne with berry liquor and Prost for a good year.

Good morning 2007 and goodbye 2006. I was leaving in less than 24 hours... So unbearable and I didn't feel like leaving. Yet, I had to leave. Before I stepped out from the door, Fiona gave me a warn hug with kisses and she said, "I am very happy to know you". Then, another hug. I was with no words, sadness in heart...

Headed down the staircase with Zi Jing, Stefan and their two kids, reached their car. Zi Jing walked me to the corner of the street. We chatted. Again, we hugged with kisses, no tears. I said, "leave with no tears, yet a big bright smile, so that we will meet one day..." and I walked back to where Stefan was. We had some words. Then, I walked back without turning my head back anymore.

When I got back. Lao Pan Niang was drunk *I guess she had couple more glasses of wine than usual...* and was sleeping on the couch. Yu Dong and Yu Xing were talking and drawing at the same time. I joined in and started to draw as well... We had champagne. The time tickled and soon it was morning. The first sun light of 2007 beamed through the chilly cloudy sky and I started to do some last minute packing. When time up, Lao Pan Niang drove me down to Vienna International Airport

We had some tea... Before I headed to the gate, I gave her a tight hug and said, "Thank you!" repeatedly. Waving goodbye, I walked toward the custom... My Europe trip ended on this day... For the moment... ... ... ... ... ...

Good year ahead and happy new year folks!

What a wonderful year~

As 2007 is approaching soon and 2006 tickering off the clock, how has your year been? Anything good, bad, interesting, loving, hatred, confusing, lost, caring... For me it is of everything.

The year started from a blend of uncertainties and joy. After two years away from Malaysia, I was finally back spending some time with my family and friends *those that I seen every now and then, those who I thought lost... * On the same time, I had to cope with the sudden withdrawn of work placement and waiting for another one to reply. As mum eldest sister said, "lost might not be so bad after all, it might be a blessing in disguise." Indeed, months later I was informed of a internship confirmation in Austria.

Having only two weeks to prepare my flight tickets and pack my luggages with only information such as, (1.) I have a place to stay (2.) Work starts on 2nd May 2006 (3.) Someone would pick me up from the airport, it was hard. It was really hard. I had no clues on what was ahead and no where to start on preparation. It was worrying and exciting. Having said so, living in a total unfamiliar environment and hardly could communicate to anyone, *They speak German over here... English depending...* I soon found myself nostalgic.

Walking on the streets that I couldn't associate with, looking at the unknown street sign, passing through the stranger-like buildings, listening to the unusual tone... It was quick, I started to miss home. I missed curry laksa, I missed coco black, I missed Dizzy's, I missed nasi lemak, I missed mandarin, I missed shiraz, I missed my frens, I missed mum, dad, bryan, pin and I missed... Many times strolling along the lane, waiting at the tram stop, I can feel tears in my eye. It was a time homesickness. Probably, I am strong and tough in heart. *Smile* Again, I am super positive and enthusiasm. I dragged myself off from the sadness and soon I found a place, I called home. It was nothing fancy, it was a restaurant, Restaurant Asia.

I could still remember when the day I had my first Chinese meal, it was so that I could grab on something that I could hold on. There, I met Lao Pan Niang, a motherly figure, who had taken care of me and helped me in many ways , which only can be seen and felt in a finest way. She will always add more beef cutlet on my Taiwanese beef noodles, sparkle some freshly cut onions and diced chicken on my hot and sour soup, treate me with tea, have a glass of red or white... Probably one will start to wonder whether or not it was only just the food? No, absolutely not! It is hard to summarise and all I could say, "It is all well kept in heart. Not words and phrases can articulate my thoughts and feelings... It is only a tiny humble thank you that I could say." The everytime of, "You are back, how was your trip, is it fun? Are you hungry..." always give me a strong sense of belonging and some comfort for away from home. Home is where the heart lies. This is home. I guess not only for me, it is also for the fantastic people I knew here as well.

Then, there were these great bunch of people I met through my traineeship. Those Austrians *smile, you know who you are~* and those who decided to reside in lovely Graz for sometime, all away from UK, Norway, Bosnia, Slovenia, Jordon, Greece, Marcedonia, Switzerland, America, Poland, Spain, Czech Republic, Finland *Slap me if I miss anyone...* We had fantastic time, travelling, hiking, eating, dancing, MASSAGING, *smile* clubbing, chatting, swimming, climbing, drinking... Life would be boring, without you guys. Okie now, an usual way, Prost! *Remember to look into my eyes and no crossing hands~ Smile* Missing the moments and I really do hope one day, one day and truly ONE DAY, we will meet again. If not, take care, you guys will always have my blessings and a place in my heart. *It is life I guess*

When the guys slowly left Austria, I got to know some people online. Fun, shit, ineteresting, boring... you name it. Somehow, some walks in my heart and some faded. What do ya think fox? *Crossed fingers* It was also the time, I started to travel by myself. A fantastic yet grilling experience I have to say, many stories for another time... One of the many good things, my mentor, my friend, Mr R got married, one who has great impact in my life. *Dude, all the best~ See ya sometime~*

Besides that, it was my work. I started with a pounding heart. Losing in touch with my engineering for like almost one and a half year, it was freaky. However my first day at work soften the tension, not because of the work was easy, it was just that the amusing while embarrassing moment made it better in a way. My big boss was wearing a jean and T-shirt, with loose hair while going through some basics with me. I, I was with full gears. I styled my hair, ironed my multi million suit, nice polished leather shoes... Gosh, that scene was quite funny. Work had been ups and downs, but I worked it through. In general, it is a fantastic experience and I score 80% on my job performance~ Nervous start with a superb ending.

2005 was a year full of personal struggle and 2006... What can I say... It is simply wonderful!

Happy New Year and a good 2007. My 1st January will be a grilling 24 hours journey back to Singapore, when most of the people still struggling to get up from bed and suffering from super duper hang overs~ *smile* John, it will be a good year ahead right? *laugh out loud*

P/S: To prevent unnecessary confusion and possibility of gossips. John is the Bohemian patron sage of old bridges. It was said that touching the statue will bring good luck, I touched it four times *smile* Hahahahaha~

Zi Jing, Fiona and meFiona and her paintings

Stefan and Zi JingLao Pan Niang and Me

Merry Christmas

Early morning on a Christmas day, I am sitting in front of my laptop, listening to some musics and writing my blog.

The festive day is rather different from those I had been through. No party and no crowd, the streets are rather quiet and deserted. Christmas in Austria is intimate. It is neither extravaganza nor noisy, what it has is just a moment with family, having a nice meal, some cookies and a small chat. It is simple.

For the instance, I am wondering when was the last time that my family was together. I guess it was December 2004. That was when my elder brother and I graduated from our bachelor. It was couple of days, as days after my parents came to Melbourne, my mum's eldest brother passed away. Mum and dad have to leave sooner than they planned. Since then, family gathering always seemed to miss a piece of jigsaw puzzle for some reasons. Looking back the days in 2006, elder and younger brother residing in Melbourne, I took up my practice in Graz while mum and dad in Johor Bahru, family members scattered on three different continents... I am sure looking forward to get back soon~ *smile*

On this very Christmas day, took a second to look up into the sky, either dark, cloudy, gloomy, rainy or sunny, this very sky that connect us, may you find peace in heart and a sense of tranquility. Merry Christmas.

Why beg?

I was hungry... very hungry... very very very hungry... Where was the damn Vietnamese noodle restaurant... I had been searching for like an hour. To spice things up, I hadn't eaten anything since 9am and it was like 4pm then. Also, I was walking under the rain. *Curse...*

Someone got my attention.

Mr T: "Hi, do you have a moment?"
Mel: "Yes, but I am not a local and I don't think I can be any help."
Mr T: "It is fine... You see, I had been traveling around Europe and used up all my money. I need some money and can..."
Mel: "While my situation is worst than you. Sorry and goodbye..."

I rolled my eyes.

I was totally in a disgruntle mood while my stomach storming, he just got me at the wrong time. *hmmmm...* Think of it again. If I meet him again and this time, with a happy bunny mood, I guess I will still refuse to help him. He is an European, and I couldn't see any reason why he couldn't work in Paris. The Brazilian gal in my room was short with cash as well, but she found a job in a local restaurant. Him being a man without any physical disability, begging on the street... While you can say I am mean or whatever. The fact is nothing comes free and everyone have to work to earn for a living.

Having said that, deep down I do know that sometime, things can be really awful and who will want to beg on the street, if only the circumstances aren't bad? However slowly seeing some bugger make begging as a life career. That's it! No more giving! Only on one exception, traveling monk.

French = rude?

Before flying to Paris, I was told for countless time that how rude the French people can be. However, is it so? Personally, I have to defend the French for that. *Alright, don't start accusing me for corruption or bribery... Let me finish...*

Yes, I did meet some shit fellow. In fact, the first day. The damn train staff gave me a wrong information and I ended up buying the wrong ticket. In short, I had to pay $20 Euro more, If I wanted to visit Versaile and La Defense. I only found out after I bought the ticket. *Screw the bugger...* After my tedious day in Vienna... *sigh...* Also, later the damn security at Museé D' Orsay, who gave a me a shit attitude. *Hmmm...* That was pretty much my bad experience. Personally, I just think those people have either an attitude problem or someone just oppss sorry, did something mean to them, which somehow distorted their character.

Now, the nice one. Whenever I stopped someone for direction with my broken French, the people would kindly stop and gave me some help. Although most of them replied in French, they had tried hard enough to gave me some direction with hand signals. By the end of the day, I can't blame and force locals who don't know English to speak English. Try asking a Mongolian to speak Portuguese... While... Doesn't sound right... Anyway, you know what I mean.

I don't know. Probably I am Chinese or I look like tourist!!??? They being nice, were all that just a fake? Can't be...