… where is the pain?

The past few days had been really tough. In order to finish my master thesis, I had not been sleeping like I should have. *No sleep or average of two to three hours…* Eye lips were heavy, eye blood vessels were obvious, slowly panda I am, with a slow dysfunctional brain. Stomach is awful since Friday, I should not have pushed my limits that far and I am suffering *sob…* It is a matter of time that anything bad happen. Indeed… On the day to Paris.

I missed my freaking flight!

Everything was just wrong today. Shit day! Lousy day!

Only two hours in bed, I was already awakened to get myself ready. Brilliantly, I still missed my bus. Then, I miss my train to Vienna. Later, I found out I would for sure missed my 11:35am flight and that time, I was still in the train. *Somehow don’t know why I thought that my arrival time in Paris was departure time from Vienna, even after double times double check on the itinerary… I can bang my head on the wall and die…* Sweetly, the reception lady arrange the next available flight with a CHEAP fees of $160 Euros. *Someone please shoot me…*

Then I have to pay again to get back to town and I need a place to stay. *Jose wasn’t picking up his phone… cry…* While waiting nervously, I walked in a restaurant for a latte, but there wasn’t any. So, I ordered a cup of cappuccino which ended up being cream on espresso. *I would really appreciate a break free of drama…*

Mindlessly didn’t know what to do, I walked in a near by internet café to finish my remaining thesis. There, I was shock by some news. My heart was aching, something is falling. My face was smiling, something is not alright. My eyes was dry, something is coming. Are these real or just a nightmare waiting to awake from? Is it… I don’t know what to feel…

With thousands of thoughts flashing through my mind, I hopped on the tram after sending off my thesis, heading to the hostel I stayed during my last visit. What I found out then, the hostel is only a hostel during summer, only summer. A sudden question popped out, where should I stay tonight? Would it be another night of no sleep? Desperately enough, yet finally call of hope. I was able to get in touch with Jose. *I was about the wander around the street… sob… sob… sob…* He took me in for the night. Thanks man, I really appreciate that, no words would ever appropriate to express my gratitude. Nice chat we had as well. Thanks… Thank you.

What a day, what more could go wrong…? Probably it had, I am simply too tired to bother or notice. Emotionally and mentally exhausted… Now alone… can’t feel… why? I am calmer than usual… am I even worthwhile?

Autumn in Slovenia

Mountain view in Kranjska Gora

Frankly, the winter Central Europe Convention was not very well organised. *Sorry guys… If you see this…* I was expecting something more serious, but apparently not, it was merely a social event.

Well… there are some workshops. However, could that be classified as workshop? It was more a discussion group and experience sharing session. *Probably it was different in other groups, but mine was… Ahem…* Facilitator only did an ok job in managing and leading the discussions.

After splitting to smaller groups, my team was very enthusiastic in the discussion and came out with great points after sufficient debates and thinking. When we were asked to present, we were merely requested, “Can you put in one word?” *That pretty much said a lot…* I replied with a mono tone, “Unless further explanations are attached, it will be too shallow to put everything in one word.” Basically, our comments were ignored in the end and I couldn’t be bothered to involve in the following session. *I was sketching some funny stuff on the paper… while the facilitator was into her flower and pie building… Trust me, you don’t wanna know…* I guess my group took her too serious and was too much for her. Everything was and intended to be done on a very surface level. *While... u could also say I was harsh or what... Doesn't bother me...*

The night parties were nice. The first night was usual like, while the second night had an international flavour. *Will skip the first night, nothing much to say… Hmmm… yes the music was bad most of the time, but the company was great~*

On the second night, delegates were asked to bring local specialties from their region. Knowing Europeans for quite sometime now that basically means bring all your local wines, beers and schnapps, the amount of alcohol would sure to KO Mr. Kidney. Sticking to my no alcohol policy, *… with font 3 by laws, ‘…with the exception of wine’* I had some wine, other than that, just juice and water~ *the dining hall was full of stoned zombie the next day… ermmm… some were still in bed * Also, foods like dips, cheese, bacon, sausages, pancakes, pastries, chocolate… were available. I have to said my favourites were the pumpkin seed oil stirred fried with shredded onions and eggs from GRAZ~ and the Swiss smoked salmon role. I wasn’t at the dance hall most of the time, I was chatting on a comparatively quieter area with some guys from Slovakia and America. *Again I stressed my total dislike on Bush administration, but hey~ nice conversation with another American~*

My bed was calling me and with my eyes lip half closed, I didn’t stay late for both nights. By 12 midnight, I was already on bed, reading the Paris guide and slept roughly an hour later. Also, I was suffering from starvation during the convention. It wasn’t the shortage of food, it was the timing… I had to wait 3 hours more than usual for the meal. My stomach was groaning like hell, if there were McDonald or whatever around, I would have hell care to wait and went to get some food. *I am Mr No McDonald and I was desperate enough to go for McDonald… I hate to be hungry… sob… sob… sob…* I just wanna take some rest. Alright, it is fair to say that I was anti social as well.

Mel not happy with McDonald...
Dining hall at the convention... lunch at 2pm...
Looking out through the windows of canteen~

Word sculptures in a deserted corner
Falling soon...

Regardless my mixed feelings toward the convention, I was happy to be in Slovenia. I met some friends, who I hadn’t seen for sometime, *kisses and hugs as usual* just felt great seeing the gals again. Then, we spent sometime in the national park near Kranjska Gora and the beautiful lake city, Bled. *I will let the photo says it beauty~*

National Park near Gozd Martuljek
The river bank where I am standing now dried up... not sure why...

Walked through the canyon~

Some things I have to mention about Bled are their wedding tradition and a dessert.

Newly wedded couple will take the wooden boat across the lake, to the island that situated in the middle of the lake. From the dock, there will be a 100-step-stoned staircase lead to the church. The groom will carry his bride with his hands and walk up the hill, to the church. By the church, there will find a robe, which they can use to sound the church bell for good wishes and luck for their marriage. So sweet~~ *… Hmmm… where is boy…* But again, if the groom is half the weight of the bride, then dead mannnn… the groom is gonna get crushed. *Hahahahahaha~~*

The, it was this cream cake. Fantastic!!! It might not look as great, but the taste was wonderful. One layer of crunch pastry with sparkled sugar powder, one layer of light cream and one layer of vanilla pudding… No too sweet nor oily, so tempting~

Anyway, I am thankful to be there~

Bled
Mountain view from Grad Castle... Damn Euro$6.50 to get in... Everyone decided to skip
Anyone has their eyes opened?
Panoramic view of Bled from a secret corner, one that might kill someone.
F A B U L O U S creeeeaaamm cake~
Lonely duck... It was still there when I walked pass again...
Another ducky enjoying a moment of solitude.
Family... missing...
Loibl Pass

Safe, on board~

My neck is still aching. I was with this yoga position, where I laid flat on the mat, flipped my legs 180 degrees and left it just above my face. The front part was alright, but getting my legs back to original position can be tricky. I had to put pressure on my toes to get enough thrust to move my legs and I had to do it genteelly as told. I struggled few times before I succeeded. *Hmmm… I think overdid it yesterday.*

I was massaging my leg on the way to work, trying to reduce the pain until I remembered something important.

Holy crap! I had totally forgotten that I need to clean my lab desk before leaving work yesterday … There is a lab audit today. All we lab dwellers were kindly reminded by our lovely beautiful Iranian colleague to clean it… And I forgot! … … … I was in total panic and was so ready to get BBQ by my supervisor. *Nooooooooooooo…* I couldn’t stop asking myself, “Why is this happening to me?” *cry… cry…*

Stepping in my office… As quiet as possible… *Hmmm…* No one was heading toward me with an unpleasant-cow-dung face. Quickly, I put on my sandals and sneaked down the lab. To my surprise, some angelical human or spirit had cleaned my desk. I am safe! *Sob… sob… sob… Tears of joy~ Nice people are always well taken care of. Hmmm… I wonder who did that. I really wanna give him some kisses~*

At least now, I am rather settled and I can enjoy my weekends in Slovenia~

Will u marry me?

… … … … … … … Someone just asked me, “Will u marry me?” *Blank*

It was like… Duh!? *Mel wore on his ninja suits, disappeared from the scene and reappeared at the back of that fellow, sliced and chopped the fellow into such fine particles as never been seen before. Now, another name in Mel’s death note.*

How anyone in this world would just said it out that easily? *Total disbelief…*

The reasons I was given. Number one, I am a Chinese. Number two, I am a nice guy. Number three, I don’t talk sex. Number four, I am cute.

For a moment again, I was blank. Duh? Hardly any of the reasons hold. Where was the word “love”? *At least the last one was convincing enough, BIG GRIN*

*Mel took out his wizard gown from Doraemon’s belly pocket, put it on and zapped the fellow’s bottom with 99% strength of lightning. 1% off for the cute comment~*

Sick?

*Hmm…* I had blood in my saliva and my felt so bloody and awful, that was on Monday.

*Hmmm…* My eyes ached badly that I hardly could focus on my work, that was on Tuesday

*Hmmmm…* Head is aching and it is current. *Sign of sickness… Shit!* Thesis due in less than two weeks… why do I have to get sick at such a wrong timing! *Cry*

*Hmmmmm…* Which part of my body will suffer tomorrow? *Not balls again… That was Sunday… Cry…*

I am gonna to hypnotise or voodoo magic or bomoh spell or whatever to washing machine my brain. So, I believe that I am in fact free of sick worms.

Am I sick now? Answer = “No!” *Doubt that it will work… sob sob…*

Dysfunctional brain and delights

It was just one of those sucky mornings.

I woke up earlier than usual. Trying to get some sense of time, flipping my hands all over the side table, attempt to grip the alarm. Sadly, effort always failed. *I later found my alarm beside my pillow… Felt like hitting the wall.*

Slightly opened up my eye lip unwillingly, looking through the layer of curtains, morning seemed to be still far way. So it was MY human instinct to go back to sleep. However, I never felt asleep again. *Well… some will argue that I was just a lazy bum… Who cares… It was freaky hard to get up in the morning, especially when the room temperature was less than 10 chilly celsius degrees*

By the time I dragged my corpse out from the blanket, I had to throw myself into the bathroom to clean myself and got ready for work + + + + + Everything was so slow and stagnant at a point. I didn’t bother to shave or get my hair fixed, but the time I spent getting ready was at least twice or three times more than usual.

Missed the bus twice and left my employee access card at home…

In a nut shell, my body is still aching and my brain was dysfunctional.

As a good fairy tales always ended with good ending as said by fairy god mother, *Okie… Fine… Only soapie fairy tale.* I was blessed with cakes as breakfast~ One of my colleagues brought some cakes. Oh boy, it tasted great.

Muddy chocolate cake topped with a layer of vanilla yogurt served with light fruity maple syrup.

Fresh orange cubes and yogurt mix on sponge topped with light cream.

Milky white chocolate brownies with half melted chocolate chips in it~ *Yummy*

The cakes were fantastic! Greedily, I wanted to grab more. However, my angelical left hand fell on my tummy. Angel Mel said, “Just say no!” I pull back my demonical right hand unwillingly.

Time to work.

First snow in Graz.

Just when we were chatting about snow over lunch, snow has quietly visited Graz. We didn’t know then. We were guessing probably late November and talking about ski, winter clothing and freaky cold… *wishfully hope I don’t need more clothes... evilly grinned* It was only till my way back to the office, I found flakes in the air.

Arriving in the office, not even with my jacket off, I excitedly talked about snow with my colleagues. Sadly, they broke the news. It was not snow and it might be water particles crystallised with the dust in the air, merely a sign of bad air. I was kinda disappointed.

While later, the snows got stronger and I began to think that my colleagues were probably just joking. *cry* However, they had already left work. *They were lucky to do so, Aha I will hehehehe… nothing* I turned my chair around, facing the window, enjoying the scene. *where my desk is, has one of the best city views in Graz* The moment of serenity and tranquillity was wonderful. I quickly sent boy a text.

Little would I know then, I would suffer.

Logging out from work, I decided to have some Italian pasta. I walked down the path. Not in 5 minutes, I was there. Quickly I hurdled in the restaurant and ordered my favourite, Pute Picata Milanese~ It was as nice as usual with additional touches of Parmesan cheese, Tabasco and dried chilli. What a great day!

Slowly after the dinner, I was standing at the bus stop, waiting for my bus. *damn* I just missed it by one minute. There were no covers and I had to stay exposed to the snow. As time passed by, I found layer of snow of my jacket. Some of which had gone through my jacket. I was wet and icy chilled. *arrggghhh…* The sad thing was, I couldn’t do anything about it. *where was my umbrella when I needed it… at home… sob sob…*

My T was half wet when I got back and I had been under the snow for some time.

Morning snow view from my dorm's window

The plants in the garden covered by layer of snow

Another one taken from my dorm

The last one *smile*

Blessing in disguise.

Sitting on the bus, yawning to get awake, looking out too the window… The streets were rather quite. There are fewer cars. Sign of school kids was no where to be seen. The university was rather deserted. Then, I remembered. Today is the day where the locals visit the cemetery.

Calm. Bright. Bluish sky, rather cold and windy. *hurdled both hands into my jacket to get some comfort.* Staring nowhere… my mind went blank unconciously. I idled. Idling… Felt some emptiness and missing something… *a morning syndrome?*

… … … Slowly, the melody flowed in my mind genteelly, softly.

Walk blindly to the light and reach out for his hand
Don’t ask any questions and don’t try to understand
Open up your mind and then open up your heart
And you will see that you and me aren’t very far apart

‘Cause I believe that love is the answer
I believe that love will find the way

Violence is spread world wide and there are families on the street
And we sell drugs to children now oh why can’t we just see
That all we do is eliminate our future with the things we do today
But money is our incentive now so that makes it okay

But I believe that love is the answer
I believe that love will find the way
I believe I believe I believe I believe that love is the answer
I believe that love will find the way

I’ve been seeing Lisa now for a little over a year
She said she’s never been so happy but Lisa lives in fear
That one day daddy’s gonna find out she’s in love
With a nigger from the streets
Oh how he would lose it then but she’s still here with me
‘Cause she believes that love will see it through
And one day he’ll understand
And he’ll see me as a person not just a black man

‘Cause I believe that love is the answer
I believe that love will find the way
I believe I believe I believe I believe that love is the answer
I believe that love will find the way
Love will find the way
Love will find the way
Love will find the way
Please love find the way
Please love find the way

… I related and I found smile. Just a normal day with blessing in disguise. *smile*

There are definitely better things to do in life.

B: “Do you like my msn photo?”
*Looking at the photo. It was a photo of a guy, bent down his upper body toward table, sucking some cocaine with a tube.*
Mel: “Not at all. I hate people who deal drugs.”
B: “You hate me?”
*B went offline… Nonetheless, I left a message.*
Mel: “I just thought that they are better things to do than doing drugs.”
Mel: “Never meant to offend anyone and I just think it is wrong.”

Last year, *I might be wrong on the timing…* a Vietnamese Australian was hanged for possessing drugs. There was huge discussion and publicity back in Australia and the community was divided on the death penalty sentences. *Not gonna go into details.*

The thing that I could not believe it was that the Australian government had requested to reduce the penalty to life sentences. The premier and foreign minister begging for a drug trafficker… *Huhhhh!!??!?!???!!* Don’t they have better things to do?

The media heavily cover the story and for a period of time, it was on the front page… *Huhhh!!??!?!???!!* Wasn’t there more important things to report?

Oppss… I remember now, it was violation of human rights.

Human rights are important! Yap, I agreed and strongly believe! *Both hands up cheering for those activists, only non-violence one…* However, when one’s human right has destructively impact to the community in whole, don’t we need to rethink the fundamental of human right? I may not be an academia or some big shot in human rights, but I deeply believe and know that it is built on the basis of mutual respect.

Imagine this. I took out my AK47 and starting to shoot everyone in public. You see it is my right! It is my right to shoot and kill. By the way, none could shot me or you will be violating my human rights! *Okie… the example is hysterical and exaggerating* Hellooooo!!!!?

How can one asked for respect for human rights when one has never respected that at the first instant.

One can argue that one finally know and learn from the mistake. A chance for a new life should be given. If we are talking about an underage kid, while fine, the kid is still young and mistakes do happen. *Who hadn’t done any foolish thing when they were young, I did.* However, this is an adult that we are talking about. He should know that he is responsible for his own actions and prepare to take the consequences.

I can empathy and probably understand the reasons for why some have got into drugs *of course, also for those with legitimate reasons such as medical purpose.*, but the others, they are taking it just to kill themselves. Taking or dealing drugs not only hurt themselves, while also the people around, their friends, their family… The only word I can think of such act is SELFISH.

I did take some drugs when I was young, and I know it was a problem to my health then. Although it was the result of curiosity and kind of cool thing to do then, it was a mistake. *It was only a very small period…* I quit. So, don’t tell me I haven’t been there and I don’t know how it feels.

There are definitely better things to do in life.

P/S: Happy Halloween~~~~~~~ *smile*

Even the beggar pays!

An old lady *Looking at her silverly coloured hair, I guess she was more than 70 years old* quickly got her senior-tram-pass out from her hand bag, walking slowly towards the tram staff with her unbalanced foot steps. *The tram was still moving then* Struggling to keep herself in position, she grabbed the handle tightly. She looked as if she was going to fall any moment. Naturally, the people around her, held our hands up to keep her in balance. Genteelly, she turned to us and said thank you. She showed her ticket. *The tram stopped at the stop…* A few second later, after I too showed my valid ticket, I turned to look for the old lady. She was already off the tram.

This incident touches me.

She can have just gone off the tram.

One of the many things I have respect for the Austrian is that their attitude towards public transport. Here, the trust to customer is given as a starting point. The system believes that it is the responsibility of the passengers to buy tickets and they will do so. The driver will never question the passenger whether they have bought a ticket. The driver just need to focus on driving and sell the ticket when approaches by. In many ways, the locals do walk up and get a ticket. Thus explain why they aren’t many tram staff checking ticket that often, like many other places I have been.

In Melbourne, it is crazy! The ticket checking can be like everyday, every moment and every second. Sometimes, I would have encountered two or three times a day. *Also, the staff can be a fxxxxxg racist jackass… Another story for another time…* They took everyone as thief or burglar. Constant surveillance is needed to make sure people do understand the importance of buying a freaking ticket. Where is the trust!??? *Annoyed me just talking about it…*

Few weeks back, I was on the tram with my expired monthly ticket *expired by one day and I hadn’t got a new one yet* Two little kids hopped on the tram. They walked to the back. Minutes later, the older kid went up to the driver to purchase two tickets. That instance, I felt so embarrassed of myself. The kid just taught me a lesson and that was the last time I hopped on a public transport without a ticket. *It is expensive… Cry…*

Then, a friend told me some thing that surprised me more. There was few times she saw the beggar who she had once donated money to. The guy walked up the tram and paid for his own tram ticket. *Unreal!!!* … Even the beggar paid the ticket… *Speechless…*

Having said that, there are always minority that don’t pay the ticket, for instance, me in the past. *And I got fine… Cry…* However, the general crowd got my respect.

To them, it is nothing special, just a way of life, normal like drinking water. To me, it was a learning experience.

Kisses

I was walking up Sporgasse, heading home. *yawning* Then there was this high heels that got my attention. It was at least 10cm high, those fine thin one. *My gosh* The woman was running on those, she sure got a freaking good balance not to fall on that. There she goes, hopping and running backwards, snapping shots of her friends.

I like woman with high heel. This is made for them and they should wear it. *OoooO, so nice and sexy.*

Just when I was still commenting on the heels, something caught me of sudden. She had both her hands all over my shoulders, I turned to her with a face of puzzle. Quickly, I realised that my face was smiling as I saw her smiling face. *Smiling people cant be bad right~* She pointed at the camera that she passed on to her friend and said, "Cheeze!" Strangely, I smiled to the camera as she wanted. Before the very moment the flash sparked, she gave me a kiss on the cheek and said "Thank you!" There, she went walking backwards with a big smile. *I guess she was drunk...*

I like kisses and had been kissed by many strangers these years. Hmmm... A year of kisses for me. *smile* Am I gonna get one from boy? *Wishfully thinking~*

Thanks for having me~

Yesterday was such a lovely night. Sophie and I were so glad that Stefan and Zi-jing invited me to their home. Although I have only known the sweet couple for such a short time, we click pretty much and quick.

They are quite an interesting and loving couple. Zi-jing who believes that she was a man and a European in her previous life, while Stefan being a Chinese and a woman in his... *They need a character switch~* Zi-jing laughed and said that her dad was so proud of finally having some Chinese flavour back to the family. She threatened Stefan to eat whatever that was served back in Taiwan. Regardless, yap regardless. *I guess she had a parang behind her when she said so~* Her dad was so proud to tell everyone that his European son-in-law eat like a Chinese. *Laugh. I guess she upset her dad too much on that. Laugh…*

The evening started with some sandwiches and Swiss roll by the kitchen table with fantastic red fusion tea. *My Buddha!* The sandwiches were so good. The Swiss roll was awesome. The texture and the taste was soft just perfect and with the marmalade, oh heaven. *It was handmade, can’t buy it anywhere else.* I think I finished half of the roll without noticing it. *Wink!* Then there was this tea from Paris… *Cry!* It smells so great even after second and third refill!

Later till lazily siting by the couch, drinking some fine Chinese tea, listening to Zi-jing’s Jazzy collection, chatting casually… Meanwhile, the couple was battling with their 3-year-old and 1-year-old kiddos. They are so adorable and it is impossible to say not. However, both have different personality, the elder one with big bright cheerful kind and the younger with Takeshi Kaneshiro style of cool way. Running around crazily, jumping up and down, smiled like sunshine yet cried like thunderstorm. “It is such a pain!” Zi-jing complained with a sweet smile. *I guess this is parenthood, love and hate embedded.*

Then, the night ended with cream Tuna pasta served with fresh shredded parmesan cheese and a local drink, Pung. *eeeeAAaaa… I hope I got it right* A typical winter drink in Austria, with mixture of wine, orange juice, lemon, special cinnamon tea and it is nice~ *The accompany was great that I missed the bus twice.*

Thanks folk!

Schöckel

My last trip with Balkan people.

Dedicated to the Balkan people who left few weeks back. Misses u guys and has been a pleasure~~~

Hey... I didn't set the scene. This was how it was when I took it.

Nice cottage house in the mountains

Another one. I wish I could have this, but consider it is so far from the city, I will probably skip this.

Autumn arrived, leaves are turning...

This was a field of wild white flowers, Igor taking photos with his new Fuji.

Bees on purple seasoned flower~

More bees~~

Blooming in progress...

Schöckel

Schöckel

More bees~~~

Boris, Erma, Igor, Anna, Wim and Me~~ (Left to right) on 1500m peak of Schöckel

Where should I look?

Finally, I attended my first Yoga class in Graz yesterday. I was quite excited about it and it had been a while since the last one. *It is great and I could feel my body aching now...* However, something kinda embarassing happened.

Just when I was chatting with Fiona and walking in the classroom, I accidentally bounced into the ladies. Ladies changing their clothes. Yap, literally in front of me. Yap, just ladies. Yap, I am the only man. However, they were not in total disbelief and continued to undress while chatting.

I was kind of shock at the sudden. Although I had seen clothless locals, both men and women, walking around the beach and saunas for many times, yet I was surprised! I wasn't prepared for this moment or should I say that I did not expect all these mentally, at least at the very moment entering the room. There was a point that I didn't know where to look at... *I was telling a friend about this incident on msn yesterday, he was simply laughing... Basket!* Quickly, I went to the changing room and into one of those cubicle toilet, where I could lock the door and took a breath. I could hear huge laugh from outside... *Gosh... ... ... Cry...* Sadly, I was also the only one who was in there...

On another incident, my weekly badminton. There were these guys naked in the gent *It was also a shower room.* So again, where should my eyes be? Where should I look? I guess I should just get use to it...

P/S: Happy Birthday Lao Pan Niang~~ With love~~~ *smile*

Trama Drama!

Alright, argument with boy was kind of bad for me. In the end, I suffered. I put myself in an involuntary illusionary mentally tortured self victimisation position. The negative flow of Qi had given me a hard kick on the stomach and it was a real pain for the past few days. The worst perception was seemed to crystallise into reality and hell looked so near then. The thought of cockcoo was just around the corner. *A bit exaggerating… smile~*

People had been telling me that I was just being too unreal and over worried. It was just like 3 or 4 days that we didn’t talk and I should take it easy. *I will be fine if it wasn’t the way we ended our last conversation…* Rose and bamboo schnapps were a help at one time in giving me the sudden numbness. *This schnapps taste FANTASTIC! Wooo... over 40%... While no headache the next day… Lucky~*

In the end, boy was just simply busy and was pretty cool in handling the situation. *Sigh… I was always the chilled one. I cannot believe this is happening.* Our conversation started with, “U ok?” At that instance, I felt sudden relieve and while stupid as well, for acting like a 12 years old kiddo… My excuse for that will be, “Even the wises man will make foolish mistake for once!” *Okie, I know… I know… I am just a fool then. Not going to argue…*

Having said that, it was a fantastic weekend as well.

The very first argument with boy… I needed some fresh air. I headed Asia, trying to get a break. Also, I wanted to fill up my ferociously groaning stomach. Just when I stepped in and gave Walteraut kisses, she pointed somewhere. She told me that one of those kids who were sitting behind our table is an Aussie, from Melbourne. That sudden, I felt homey. *Malaysia and Melbourne are both home to me...* Not a second thought, I walked up for a conversation. We clicked really quickly and it was a fantastic two hours chat. I guess the bottom line was that we both missed Australia.

Then, it was Qiong Hui’s debut song performance on Friday in a fantastic venue, a 15th century like concert hall with medieval paintings on each wall and the ceilings. I was happy for her, and it was the best among the four debuts. However, this so called New Music isn’t my cup of tea. The music gave me this creepy, ugly, ghostly, shitty and frightening experience. It brought the audiences to a world that was only full of depression, suppression, sorrow, horror, tension, torture…

In the following day, I took the train to Vienna for the BlickFang. It is partly my interests in fashion, jewellery and furniture, and then is also the fact that Yu Dong was showcasing her collection in the exhibition. Although the standards weren’t balance, in general it was really good, full of interesting ideas! On top of that, I bought two very unique scarfs! *I am also determined to order another one from Swiss. I love scarf.* Besides, Yu Dong introduced me some friends, very cool people. Most importantly, I got the Bread and Butter Bible~~ Thanks T and Claudia for the warm hospitality! Yippy!

To end the week, it was the closing of the Autumn Camping Festival and the Annual Graz Marathon! Also, I got Lao Pan Niang a pot of flowers. The flowers were donated by a woman in rural Styria with the thought and blessing, “Give Joy and Happiness!” It will be a nice present for her coming birthday.

I am feeling far better now. Boy and I sorted out our argument. *Strictly speak, I was the only one who were pissed off… Cry…* Also, The cute and good looking comments coming from Nat had lightened the week as well. *Nat is a lovely pretty sweet bitchy gal with French and Thai mix~*

Lastly, the couple did not have sex this early early earlyyyyy morning and I enjoyed a good sleep. *smile*

It is only less than 24 hours.

Now, I am feeling shit. What happened yesterday is making me down. Find it hard to smile, even forcing myself. It just went upside down in couple of seconds.

Walking down the streets, through the alley, on my way to work, came across the laughter from the kids, why is it seemed so numb?

Feeling of emptiness and something is missing… It ain’t helping much or it is?

I love flowers and have always lightened my day, why it isn’t working now?

Again and again, I grabbed my mobile and unlocked it, wondering whether you had sent me a text. Am I missing you?

Listening to my Ipod, there they sang, “… Goodbye my love. I understand. What can I do other then accepting? Time might mend my heart one day. Goodbye my love. What a short love. Maybe... Maybe one day when you think of it, you will then treasure our love. You will not understand how hard it is for me. How pain it is…” Is this goodbye?

Silence is what I get from you…

… Or I am asking too much?

I yelled at boy!

I was hinting and hinting and hinting and hinting boy, whether that he had anything to say... he didn't seem to get the point. Finally, I said, "Yesterday was my birthday!" Then, he quickly wished me and said he was sorry that he had forgotten. My rage meter blew sky rocket high once again. Twice in one day. *The sleep that I missed out was also contributing to my temper! I haven't slept since yesterday and luckily stony was going away for the rest of the week.*

My anger was full on gear infinity and the point that he made, "I was busy..." was like instant dumping of trillion tons petrol in my furiously rage. Most of you guys will know that what a freaking tight schedule I had now and that is the worst excuse!!! *At least that's the worst for me...* I was at a point that I said some aweful words *just words that I don't normally say and it is nothing rude. I am still controlling the words...* and I went offline very soon. So, I can take a breath and before I do something more stupid. However, I was back online in less than 10 minutes. *Shit... Why am I doing this to myself...* Arggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! *I am starting to feel guilty that I was harsh* I am right and he has to apologise! *He just did apologise... What should I do...*

How about do it somewhere else? (3)

Just like the political crisis in Thailand, no public demonstration of anger and violence during the Thai King’s Birthday. That was the same case for me, perfect happy mood until the clock struck 12 midnight. Alright sweet Birthday was over and I was allowing my rage meter to run wild.

It was the same old story, couple having sex in a 1.25m distance. Not that I wanted to be in such position, the night was calm and I could hear every single little tiny puny sound. Imagine that one could hear clearly each “cling!” sound coming from a 1km away coin, fell from the table and hit the ground. That was as quiet as it got then. With my eyes closed, I could hear the kissing, the messaging, the hugging… *Don’t want to go details…* It was a struggling three hours, wanting to fall asleep! I was freaking PISSED OFF. I wanted to talk to my room mate today, but he was only back after I went to bed and they woke me up! Not wanting to spoil their FUN, I decided to hold my eyes close and wishfully thought that I would be in my dream with boy soon. *SHIT HELL NOT!!!*

Just when my rage meter was going to break and I was going to snap, some drunken idiots came in my room with the she-bang-style *dormitory room was never locked with people in…* They were in at the absolutely wrong time, when the show was in its high. *I guess they were in shocked. They were a sudden silence.* I sat still on my bed and asked, “What were you doing here?” *Cannot believe that I was still patience enough to ask their course of presence.* When Ingrid said that they were drunk, my anger hit rocket high. I yelled “OUT! OUT!! OUT!!!”. I slammed the door with a “BANG!” and straight to bed with antagonism. With the unexpected drama, they were wise now to lock the door from inside once those drunken fellows were kicked out. Sadly I have to say, they continued where they stopped. To show my frustrations, I walked off to get some drinks and back to bed for few times. However, things were as usual...

I will and determine to talk to my room mate today about this. I am not going to let this spoil my sleep tonight! The saga continues…

Happy 24th Birthday Mel!!! With love~

Although my sleep wasn’t as good, thanks to my dear room mate. Today, I woke up with an excellent mood, *It is just like normal, but today is trillion % more and I have to be~* it is my 24th Birthday!

I jumped off my bed and went to the bathroom to clean myself and getting ready for work. *Yes, sadly it is. Work still goes one…* Looking into the mirror, I gave my reflection a big bright smile and a warm greeting, “Happy Birthday, sweety~” Then, I quickly packed my stuff and ran for the bus.

However, I missed it and there would be another 15 minutes wait. So, I decided to walk down the streets and headed toward the next stop. It is such a lovely day.

This 24th year, I kept it quite and the fact that I am here in Austria, I was not expecting for anything for me birthday. I just wanted to have a nice dinner and enjoy my day in a calmly way. So far in life, I don’t need to worry about food, accommodation, money… Although I live no life like Paris Hilton, *Slap slap slap…* I am very content and happy with what I have. *Of course, if someone wants to get me a super Canon DSLR set or an EURO$100,000,000,000,000 ang pao, I will not mind~ Laugh out loud!* Pretty much spending the day by myself. I guess it can be quite fun as this is the first time for me.

To my surprise, I received some wishes from people I hardly know and some from old friends. Although it was something neither fancy nor luxurious, just a simple note and a text message, I really really really really really really appreciate it so much. *Pretty easy to satisfy~* I have long come to a realisation that it is the sincerity that counts. It is the thought that touched me. It is the simple words that lighten my day. It is the small things, thank you people~

I hope that boy will know how easily satisfied I am… One day… I hope he find out himself, while not I telling him so…

How about do it somewhere else? (2)

Argghhh!!! Just yesterday, I was saying the possibility of bouncing in at the wrong time and today it is a fact!

The couples were having sex throughout the night. It was noisy that I could hardly sleep *Yawning…* and it was only until their voice came to a silence, *Business is completed.* I slowly went back to dream. Yesterday, Stony did ask me whether I mind Ingrid spend the night in our room. Of course, I have no problem wit that. However, it is affecting my sleep! *It is not that I want to be such a jackass, the distance between my bed and Stony’s is like slightly over 1.25m…*

I guess I have to tell the couple either do their mushy thing on weekend or somewhere else. *Ingrid is staying on the same floor, why not to her room…* Unless they can behave and keep themselves in a total quite condition, just like the TV program with mute on, then it will be fine. *Don’t mess with me when I am hungry and sleepy. Wait a sec… Sleepy is before I sleep, then I can be funny and talking cock. However not after when I am in bed!!!!*