Just Mel

Happy Chinese New Year...

Chinese New Year, it should be full of joy. Yes, indeed... However... To me, there is sadness to it. I just got rejected. The festive mood is hardly there...

Only when... Only when dad smiled brightly, had his hand on my head, wished me a happy new year... Only when mum laughed loudly on the great things... Only when my little nephews and nieces give me a hi five on hand... Only when my cousin uncle introduce me his wife... Only when knowing my god sister is getting married in a month plus time... Only when I hug my god father... Only when my long lost touched mates came together again... Only when... ... ... I can feel the joy in heart, inflicted by the festive season.

Then, it was moments of emptiness. Something is missing. I feel all my positive energy is sucked out of my body... I feel hollow... down... down...

Rejection is common, who has not gone through it? However, knowing it and able to accepting it, is different. It is a sucky feeling. Not good at all... not good... Especially from those who you care and feel for. If I can cry out loud and release the bitterness, that will be great. I can't... If I can instantly forget and release myself from the misery, that will be great. I can't... If I can choose not to love one who does not love me and release myself from the pain. I can't... If I can... ... ... ... I can't.

Relationship is a two ways thing, regardless of its context. It can't work only on one side, just like clapping with only one hand, it just ain't gonna sound. I know and I am writing it... Am I trying to convince myself? ... However, will anyone just simply move on without trying harder? I don't know the answer for that. For me, I will wait and try harder, even knowing that it does not always work out with hard work. Maybe, maybe not... ... ... too much things flashing through my mind... ... it is getting harder and harder to put down all in words...

Happy Chinese New Year. I wish you all are blessed, surrounded by your love ones and have peace in heart.