… where is the pain?

The past few days had been really tough. In order to finish my master thesis, I had not been sleeping like I should have. *No sleep or average of two to three hours…* Eye lips were heavy, eye blood vessels were obvious, slowly panda I am, with a slow dysfunctional brain. Stomach is awful since Friday, I should not have pushed my limits that far and I am suffering *sob…* It is a matter of time that anything bad happen. Indeed… On the day to Paris.

I missed my freaking flight!

Everything was just wrong today. Shit day! Lousy day!

Only two hours in bed, I was already awakened to get myself ready. Brilliantly, I still missed my bus. Then, I miss my train to Vienna. Later, I found out I would for sure missed my 11:35am flight and that time, I was still in the train. *Somehow don’t know why I thought that my arrival time in Paris was departure time from Vienna, even after double times double check on the itinerary… I can bang my head on the wall and die…* Sweetly, the reception lady arrange the next available flight with a CHEAP fees of $160 Euros. *Someone please shoot me…*

Then I have to pay again to get back to town and I need a place to stay. *Jose wasn’t picking up his phone… cry…* While waiting nervously, I walked in a restaurant for a latte, but there wasn’t any. So, I ordered a cup of cappuccino which ended up being cream on espresso. *I would really appreciate a break free of drama…*

Mindlessly didn’t know what to do, I walked in a near by internet café to finish my remaining thesis. There, I was shock by some news. My heart was aching, something is falling. My face was smiling, something is not alright. My eyes was dry, something is coming. Are these real or just a nightmare waiting to awake from? Is it… I don’t know what to feel…

With thousands of thoughts flashing through my mind, I hopped on the tram after sending off my thesis, heading to the hostel I stayed during my last visit. What I found out then, the hostel is only a hostel during summer, only summer. A sudden question popped out, where should I stay tonight? Would it be another night of no sleep? Desperately enough, yet finally call of hope. I was able to get in touch with Jose. *I was about the wander around the street… sob… sob… sob…* He took me in for the night. Thanks man, I really appreciate that, no words would ever appropriate to express my gratitude. Nice chat we had as well. Thanks… Thank you.

What a day, what more could go wrong…? Probably it had, I am simply too tired to bother or notice. Emotionally and mentally exhausted… Now alone… can’t feel… why? I am calmer than usual… am I even worthwhile?

Autumn in Slovenia

Mountain view in Kranjska Gora

Frankly, the winter Central Europe Convention was not very well organised. *Sorry guys… If you see this…* I was expecting something more serious, but apparently not, it was merely a social event.

Well… there are some workshops. However, could that be classified as workshop? It was more a discussion group and experience sharing session. *Probably it was different in other groups, but mine was… Ahem…* Facilitator only did an ok job in managing and leading the discussions.

After splitting to smaller groups, my team was very enthusiastic in the discussion and came out with great points after sufficient debates and thinking. When we were asked to present, we were merely requested, “Can you put in one word?” *That pretty much said a lot…* I replied with a mono tone, “Unless further explanations are attached, it will be too shallow to put everything in one word.” Basically, our comments were ignored in the end and I couldn’t be bothered to involve in the following session. *I was sketching some funny stuff on the paper… while the facilitator was into her flower and pie building… Trust me, you don’t wanna know…* I guess my group took her too serious and was too much for her. Everything was and intended to be done on a very surface level. *While... u could also say I was harsh or what... Doesn't bother me...*

The night parties were nice. The first night was usual like, while the second night had an international flavour. *Will skip the first night, nothing much to say… Hmmm… yes the music was bad most of the time, but the company was great~*

On the second night, delegates were asked to bring local specialties from their region. Knowing Europeans for quite sometime now that basically means bring all your local wines, beers and schnapps, the amount of alcohol would sure to KO Mr. Kidney. Sticking to my no alcohol policy, *… with font 3 by laws, ‘…with the exception of wine’* I had some wine, other than that, just juice and water~ *the dining hall was full of stoned zombie the next day… ermmm… some were still in bed * Also, foods like dips, cheese, bacon, sausages, pancakes, pastries, chocolate… were available. I have to said my favourites were the pumpkin seed oil stirred fried with shredded onions and eggs from GRAZ~ and the Swiss smoked salmon role. I wasn’t at the dance hall most of the time, I was chatting on a comparatively quieter area with some guys from Slovakia and America. *Again I stressed my total dislike on Bush administration, but hey~ nice conversation with another American~*

My bed was calling me and with my eyes lip half closed, I didn’t stay late for both nights. By 12 midnight, I was already on bed, reading the Paris guide and slept roughly an hour later. Also, I was suffering from starvation during the convention. It wasn’t the shortage of food, it was the timing… I had to wait 3 hours more than usual for the meal. My stomach was groaning like hell, if there were McDonald or whatever around, I would have hell care to wait and went to get some food. *I am Mr No McDonald and I was desperate enough to go for McDonald… I hate to be hungry… sob… sob… sob…* I just wanna take some rest. Alright, it is fair to say that I was anti social as well.

Mel not happy with McDonald...
Dining hall at the convention... lunch at 2pm...
Looking out through the windows of canteen~

Word sculptures in a deserted corner
Falling soon...

Regardless my mixed feelings toward the convention, I was happy to be in Slovenia. I met some friends, who I hadn’t seen for sometime, *kisses and hugs as usual* just felt great seeing the gals again. Then, we spent sometime in the national park near Kranjska Gora and the beautiful lake city, Bled. *I will let the photo says it beauty~*

National Park near Gozd Martuljek
The river bank where I am standing now dried up... not sure why...

Walked through the canyon~

Some things I have to mention about Bled are their wedding tradition and a dessert.

Newly wedded couple will take the wooden boat across the lake, to the island that situated in the middle of the lake. From the dock, there will be a 100-step-stoned staircase lead to the church. The groom will carry his bride with his hands and walk up the hill, to the church. By the church, there will find a robe, which they can use to sound the church bell for good wishes and luck for their marriage. So sweet~~ *… Hmmm… where is boy…* But again, if the groom is half the weight of the bride, then dead mannnn… the groom is gonna get crushed. *Hahahahahaha~~*

The, it was this cream cake. Fantastic!!! It might not look as great, but the taste was wonderful. One layer of crunch pastry with sparkled sugar powder, one layer of light cream and one layer of vanilla pudding… No too sweet nor oily, so tempting~

Anyway, I am thankful to be there~

Bled
Mountain view from Grad Castle... Damn Euro$6.50 to get in... Everyone decided to skip
Anyone has their eyes opened?
Panoramic view of Bled from a secret corner, one that might kill someone.
F A B U L O U S creeeeaaamm cake~
Lonely duck... It was still there when I walked pass again...
Another ducky enjoying a moment of solitude.
Family... missing...
Loibl Pass

Safe, on board~

My neck is still aching. I was with this yoga position, where I laid flat on the mat, flipped my legs 180 degrees and left it just above my face. The front part was alright, but getting my legs back to original position can be tricky. I had to put pressure on my toes to get enough thrust to move my legs and I had to do it genteelly as told. I struggled few times before I succeeded. *Hmmm… I think overdid it yesterday.*

I was massaging my leg on the way to work, trying to reduce the pain until I remembered something important.

Holy crap! I had totally forgotten that I need to clean my lab desk before leaving work yesterday … There is a lab audit today. All we lab dwellers were kindly reminded by our lovely beautiful Iranian colleague to clean it… And I forgot! … … … I was in total panic and was so ready to get BBQ by my supervisor. *Nooooooooooooo…* I couldn’t stop asking myself, “Why is this happening to me?” *cry… cry…*

Stepping in my office… As quiet as possible… *Hmmm…* No one was heading toward me with an unpleasant-cow-dung face. Quickly, I put on my sandals and sneaked down the lab. To my surprise, some angelical human or spirit had cleaned my desk. I am safe! *Sob… sob… sob… Tears of joy~ Nice people are always well taken care of. Hmmm… I wonder who did that. I really wanna give him some kisses~*

At least now, I am rather settled and I can enjoy my weekends in Slovenia~

Will u marry me?

… … … … … … … Someone just asked me, “Will u marry me?” *Blank*

It was like… Duh!? *Mel wore on his ninja suits, disappeared from the scene and reappeared at the back of that fellow, sliced and chopped the fellow into such fine particles as never been seen before. Now, another name in Mel’s death note.*

How anyone in this world would just said it out that easily? *Total disbelief…*

The reasons I was given. Number one, I am a Chinese. Number two, I am a nice guy. Number three, I don’t talk sex. Number four, I am cute.

For a moment again, I was blank. Duh? Hardly any of the reasons hold. Where was the word “love”? *At least the last one was convincing enough, BIG GRIN*

*Mel took out his wizard gown from Doraemon’s belly pocket, put it on and zapped the fellow’s bottom with 99% strength of lightning. 1% off for the cute comment~*

Sick?

*Hmm…* I had blood in my saliva and my felt so bloody and awful, that was on Monday.

*Hmmm…* My eyes ached badly that I hardly could focus on my work, that was on Tuesday

*Hmmmm…* Head is aching and it is current. *Sign of sickness… Shit!* Thesis due in less than two weeks… why do I have to get sick at such a wrong timing! *Cry*

*Hmmmmm…* Which part of my body will suffer tomorrow? *Not balls again… That was Sunday… Cry…*

I am gonna to hypnotise or voodoo magic or bomoh spell or whatever to washing machine my brain. So, I believe that I am in fact free of sick worms.

Am I sick now? Answer = “No!” *Doubt that it will work… sob sob…*

Dysfunctional brain and delights

It was just one of those sucky mornings.

I woke up earlier than usual. Trying to get some sense of time, flipping my hands all over the side table, attempt to grip the alarm. Sadly, effort always failed. *I later found my alarm beside my pillow… Felt like hitting the wall.*

Slightly opened up my eye lip unwillingly, looking through the layer of curtains, morning seemed to be still far way. So it was MY human instinct to go back to sleep. However, I never felt asleep again. *Well… some will argue that I was just a lazy bum… Who cares… It was freaky hard to get up in the morning, especially when the room temperature was less than 10 chilly celsius degrees*

By the time I dragged my corpse out from the blanket, I had to throw myself into the bathroom to clean myself and got ready for work + + + + + Everything was so slow and stagnant at a point. I didn’t bother to shave or get my hair fixed, but the time I spent getting ready was at least twice or three times more than usual.

Missed the bus twice and left my employee access card at home…

In a nut shell, my body is still aching and my brain was dysfunctional.

As a good fairy tales always ended with good ending as said by fairy god mother, *Okie… Fine… Only soapie fairy tale.* I was blessed with cakes as breakfast~ One of my colleagues brought some cakes. Oh boy, it tasted great.

Muddy chocolate cake topped with a layer of vanilla yogurt served with light fruity maple syrup.

Fresh orange cubes and yogurt mix on sponge topped with light cream.

Milky white chocolate brownies with half melted chocolate chips in it~ *Yummy*

The cakes were fantastic! Greedily, I wanted to grab more. However, my angelical left hand fell on my tummy. Angel Mel said, “Just say no!” I pull back my demonical right hand unwillingly.

Time to work.

First snow in Graz.

Just when we were chatting about snow over lunch, snow has quietly visited Graz. We didn’t know then. We were guessing probably late November and talking about ski, winter clothing and freaky cold… *wishfully hope I don’t need more clothes... evilly grinned* It was only till my way back to the office, I found flakes in the air.

Arriving in the office, not even with my jacket off, I excitedly talked about snow with my colleagues. Sadly, they broke the news. It was not snow and it might be water particles crystallised with the dust in the air, merely a sign of bad air. I was kinda disappointed.

While later, the snows got stronger and I began to think that my colleagues were probably just joking. *cry* However, they had already left work. *They were lucky to do so, Aha I will hehehehe… nothing* I turned my chair around, facing the window, enjoying the scene. *where my desk is, has one of the best city views in Graz* The moment of serenity and tranquillity was wonderful. I quickly sent boy a text.

Little would I know then, I would suffer.

Logging out from work, I decided to have some Italian pasta. I walked down the path. Not in 5 minutes, I was there. Quickly I hurdled in the restaurant and ordered my favourite, Pute Picata Milanese~ It was as nice as usual with additional touches of Parmesan cheese, Tabasco and dried chilli. What a great day!

Slowly after the dinner, I was standing at the bus stop, waiting for my bus. *damn* I just missed it by one minute. There were no covers and I had to stay exposed to the snow. As time passed by, I found layer of snow of my jacket. Some of which had gone through my jacket. I was wet and icy chilled. *arrggghhh…* The sad thing was, I couldn’t do anything about it. *where was my umbrella when I needed it… at home… sob sob…*

My T was half wet when I got back and I had been under the snow for some time.

Morning snow view from my dorm's window

The plants in the garden covered by layer of snow

Another one taken from my dorm

The last one *smile*

Blessing in disguise.

Sitting on the bus, yawning to get awake, looking out too the window… The streets were rather quite. There are fewer cars. Sign of school kids was no where to be seen. The university was rather deserted. Then, I remembered. Today is the day where the locals visit the cemetery.

Calm. Bright. Bluish sky, rather cold and windy. *hurdled both hands into my jacket to get some comfort.* Staring nowhere… my mind went blank unconciously. I idled. Idling… Felt some emptiness and missing something… *a morning syndrome?*

… … … Slowly, the melody flowed in my mind genteelly, softly.

Walk blindly to the light and reach out for his hand
Don’t ask any questions and don’t try to understand
Open up your mind and then open up your heart
And you will see that you and me aren’t very far apart

‘Cause I believe that love is the answer
I believe that love will find the way

Violence is spread world wide and there are families on the street
And we sell drugs to children now oh why can’t we just see
That all we do is eliminate our future with the things we do today
But money is our incentive now so that makes it okay

But I believe that love is the answer
I believe that love will find the way
I believe I believe I believe I believe that love is the answer
I believe that love will find the way

I’ve been seeing Lisa now for a little over a year
She said she’s never been so happy but Lisa lives in fear
That one day daddy’s gonna find out she’s in love
With a nigger from the streets
Oh how he would lose it then but she’s still here with me
‘Cause she believes that love will see it through
And one day he’ll understand
And he’ll see me as a person not just a black man

‘Cause I believe that love is the answer
I believe that love will find the way
I believe I believe I believe I believe that love is the answer
I believe that love will find the way
Love will find the way
Love will find the way
Love will find the way
Please love find the way
Please love find the way

… I related and I found smile. Just a normal day with blessing in disguise. *smile*