Just Mel

… where is the pain?

The past few days had been really tough. In order to finish my master thesis, I had not been sleeping like I should have. *No sleep or average of two to three hours…* Eye lips were heavy, eye blood vessels were obvious, slowly panda I am, with a slow dysfunctional brain. Stomach is awful since Friday, I should not have pushed my limits that far and I am suffering *sob…* It is a matter of time that anything bad happen. Indeed… On the day to Paris.

I missed my freaking flight!

Everything was just wrong today. Shit day! Lousy day!

Only two hours in bed, I was already awakened to get myself ready. Brilliantly, I still missed my bus. Then, I miss my train to Vienna. Later, I found out I would for sure missed my 11:35am flight and that time, I was still in the train. *Somehow don’t know why I thought that my arrival time in Paris was departure time from Vienna, even after double times double check on the itinerary… I can bang my head on the wall and die…* Sweetly, the reception lady arrange the next available flight with a CHEAP fees of $160 Euros. *Someone please shoot me…*

Then I have to pay again to get back to town and I need a place to stay. *Jose wasn’t picking up his phone… cry…* While waiting nervously, I walked in a restaurant for a latte, but there wasn’t any. So, I ordered a cup of cappuccino which ended up being cream on espresso. *I would really appreciate a break free of drama…*

Mindlessly didn’t know what to do, I walked in a near by internet café to finish my remaining thesis. There, I was shock by some news. My heart was aching, something is falling. My face was smiling, something is not alright. My eyes was dry, something is coming. Are these real or just a nightmare waiting to awake from? Is it… I don’t know what to feel…

With thousands of thoughts flashing through my mind, I hopped on the tram after sending off my thesis, heading to the hostel I stayed during my last visit. What I found out then, the hostel is only a hostel during summer, only summer. A sudden question popped out, where should I stay tonight? Would it be another night of no sleep? Desperately enough, yet finally call of hope. I was able to get in touch with Jose. *I was about the wander around the street… sob… sob… sob…* He took me in for the night. Thanks man, I really appreciate that, no words would ever appropriate to express my gratitude. Nice chat we had as well. Thanks… Thank you.

What a day, what more could go wrong…? Probably it had, I am simply too tired to bother or notice. Emotionally and mentally exhausted… Now alone… can’t feel… why? I am calmer than usual… am I even worthwhile?