An uncertain 2007, yet a wonderful 2007!

31st December 2007 marks the very last day of 2007, has it been a good or bad? Simply splitting it like black and white is pointless, as the rainbow between the two sides shines our life and blesses us with meanings. That is what I think…

Last year on the very same day, writing a summary for the year, I said it had been a wonderful 2006 and an uncertain 2007 would come. Indeed, it was.

With my journey in Europe ended on the very first day of 2007, I knew that my phase of study was coming to an end very soon. It was about the time to get really serious about throwing in applications. The only problem then was I didn’t know where I would want to be. I wished to work in Australia, but my industry was very minor there. I wished to work in Singapore, but I did not have the status to apply for a decent job. I did know that I wished not to work in Malaysia, but that was the easier option. Nothing was decided and decisions were left unmade.

Bringing an indecisive me back to Melbourne did not help. Only that I started to think even more deeply about the circumstances while completing my master program. Meantime, I had started to put in applications, but only to find my worries reinstated. For a span of two months, there were only less than 10 jobs in the market, which I somehow was eligible to apply for. When I wanted to give up on Australia and just moved somewhere else, my family and friends were the strength of pillar holding me, keeping me here in Melbourne. For that and more than that, I love you all. Your encouragements, even pieces of words meant a lot.

In the midst of all these uncertainties, my heart was broken and I wasn’t happy. All my positive auras were sucked out of me. I felt empty in me. However, I am blessed with family and friends. They have always had faith in me. They stood by me quietly throughout that period, letting my emotional wounds cured by it and worries faded as time passed. Every now and then, they gave some words of wisdom that enlightened me. It took me more than 6 months to mend my shattered heart and now, I can say confidently that I am alright and have already accepted it. Fox and I still remain as friends. *smile*

People I will really want to note among the many are Iris and Eric. Thank you.

This year has been a year full of reflection and growth. I have lived through it with many inner struggles no doubt, yet many beautiful things have happened as 2008 approaches. I met some fantastic people and proud to associate with, I feel blessed. I found someone important in my life, I feel loved. I got a graduate job offer from Telstra, one of the 9 offers in Melbourne among thousand of application, I feel confidence...

I am grateful with my life and... I am starting to talk like a Christian... But I am not! I am still a very Buddhist! *laugh out loud*

An uncertain 2007, yet a wonderful 2007!

Deep in heart I know that my 2008 will be a fantastic one!

I hope that your 2007 will windup in good terms and happy 2008! *Kisses and hugs*

三天。

三天前，他要离开的那一天，我带着一颗洋葱，一手江鱼仔，一束香菜，一罐意式番茄酱，一包意大利面，几手洋式蘑菇和半瓶红酒到他家，为他准备晚餐。菜单：西式鲜味洋葱汤和红酒茄汁炖牛辗意大利面。而我在他还在为他家人和学弟妹做最后一分种购物时，早已把晚餐做好。

待在闷热的房子中，特别烦躁。真不知道是因为屋外３８度C的高温，还是因为屋内心情格外鼓噪的自己。我不停的擦拭额上滴下的汗水，但却擦拭不走心中那股闷气。其实，我是知道的，原因就只在于他就要离开了。他会离开墨尔本一个月半左右。

当他会到家，我们就开动了。他很喜欢西式鲜味洋葱汤，但对于我那下了不少功夫能与外面馆子过两手还有余的主菜，只说了，“I like my pasta with more sauce...”。我心一凉，只能是闷上加闷，也没说什么。之后，我催他赶快上楼收拾行李，碗碟让我洗好了。他没怎么理我，就自个儿走到洗盆前，利落的洗起碗碟，笑着说，“You hate washing dishes, I will do it.”。顿时，心情好了一半。

我是在意他的，我竟会主动洗碗。。。上一次发生的时候是何时？他是在意我的，他会不让我洗碗。满简单的一件事，道出彼此之间相互的体贴。

之后，我们也谈不上几句。他忙着整理，严肃间带着疲倦，他也不让我帮忙。我一动手，他就发飙，也落了猛话，“You are not my housewife... Don't treat me like a kid...”。闷了一阵，我按捺不住反了他一句，“If I don't give a fuck care, I will not even be here!”。他愣了一下，突然笑了。我呢？我就静静的伏躺在床上看着他。。。咬牙变拗只在于件微不足道的小事。现在想起，觉得彼此都有点孩子气。

虽然整个晚上有点心闷，但当他坐着巴士离开的时候，心中那股郁闷早已烟消云散，只剩下想着他的那思绪。我看着他在机场发送给我的短讯，“... Don't miss me too much.”，不禁笑了。

三天后，我依然想着他。我又如何能不呢？

圣诞夜。

圣诞夜是一个基督徒重要弥撒的夜晚，是一个西方团圆的夜晚，是一个狂欢的夜晚，是一个平安的夜晚，。。。但对于我来说，这夜晚从来不带任何特别意义，这夜晚只是在平常不过的夜晚。但曾几何时，圣诞夜的定义悄悄的变了。

只因为有了他。

如往年般，朋友家都会开派对，决定了去那一家，就开始准备。今年，我和他会到Laney和Anthony的家度圣诞夜。主题，“Everything that is Green, red, white, gold and silver”和私家菜。

在大家还在睡梦中的时候，我早已起身准备。九点钟未到，就把Anthony吵醒，就把他从床上拉出来打扫布置。Laney需要工作，所以我自告奋勇来帮他们，同时也是为了封他们难缠又不饶人的两张嘴。他两三不五时的大合唱，再加设个十面埋伏天下围攻阵，左酸一句右酸一句，让我笑的合不拢嘴。哈哈哈哈哈哈～我应该生气的。哈哈哈哈哈哈～之后那下午，我跟他到处逛逛，再到他家煮我那道私房菜和笼络人心。我炒多几样小菜，慰劳他室友的五脏府。哈哈哈哈哈哈～

时间差不多的时候，我们拿了该拿的，就走去Laney她家。圣诞夜是多么的热闹，派对该有的美味佳肴，玲珑玉露aka一大堆的酒饮，圣诞日倒数，好伴，交换礼物，拉人拍照，Drinking Game等等等，真的好不热闹。再之，看着他满脸我帮他盖的的红色盖章，时而被罚到阳台对外狂吼，时而被罚做奇怪的东东。。。让我笑得肚子疼到不行。但是，让我心甜的是他那不时看着我的眼神。每每让我发现的时候，我会心的一笑，让他有些慌，他会说，“What?”，而我也只是笑着。

而当夜晚慢慢的放缓，宁静取代了喧闹，我和他早已静静的依偎着，就我和他。聆听着播放机传来那首他点给我的爵士情歌，轻闻着他传来淡淡薄荷的体香，遥望这那微亮又深邃的夜晚，速写着我两对彼此情意祝福，不说一句一话的相拥入眠。

这是个特别的圣诞夜，我和他的第一个圣诞夜。闹静，我他，我们睡了。

三歲小孩也不屑的話。

懶洋洋的星期天，本應是在家偷閒的大好時刻，但鬧鐘沒到八點就已經唱起孫燕姿的Honey Honey單曲，是時候起身了。我下定決心不再遲到！說真的，大部分的時間都是我等別人，可是呢。。。偏偏前幾次約會，我都遲到了。雖然他嘴上沒提，我知道他不喜歡別人遲到。今天，我下定決心不再遲到！睡意朦朧的爬出房門，是我今早的縮命。

就在我踏出房門的那一刻，冷不防的見到YC一立馬就要出門的勢！他轉過身對我說，“我現在要到飛機場接Dicky。。。”，他印尼來的朋友。我如冷水灌頂般，頓時整個人都醒了，心裡起嘀咕，“什麼？什麼！你現在要出門，那我不是會遲到嗎？！”，心裡如鐹上螞蟻，急如焚，心情跌到谷底。五秒鍾前的決心即刻粉碎殆盡。。。慘了！

據理力爭，再加上三分威逼要挾，我竟然說了些連三歲小孩也不屑的話。我竟然說，“如果你害我遲到，我馬上把房間弄亂！”。我傻楞了眼。我說的是什麼胡爛。心裡剎那間為自己說出的話覺得無地自容，這些年都白修了，內功修為半點不到家。

我是真的有點慌了，竟亂了陣腳，耍起了孩子脾氣。雖有點羞家，但從另一個角度來看，我是在意他的。傻氣的回應折射了我對他的心意，嘿。

巧克力，青苹果和午餐。

天枰座的我是渴望爱情的。早已忘了何时开始，有意识的，无意识的，总是在茫茫人海中，一天接着一天，左顾右盼，环顾四周，尝试着找寻这么一个人。

感觉上。。。就好像在等巴士。

耳里听着Ipod微微传来的音乐，嘴上哼着爱情如何灿烂凄凉，脑里读着永远读不完的小说，坐在那菱角渐钝的长凳上等着，等着巴士的到来。巴士一辆接着一辆的到来与离去，眼生中重复着一刹那的希望与失望，时高时低的落差让人难受，到底何时会到来呢？看着左腕上不停跳动的时针，心理除了干躁急，就只有无奈的等。偶尔也会有先上车吧的冲动。但是，终究还是却步了。毕竟巴士要是上错了，始终还是要下车。等待的当儿，也会不时地担心是否会错过？

这感觉。。。就好像在等自己迷失了的另一半。

他会是那一半吗？我不知道，但我希望是。

我知道的是我喜欢他。

睡醒眼睛渐开，我就会想起他那张笑脸。想着他，我会不经意的笑开怀。靠着他，我会很舒服，会很自在。看着他的浅棕色的瞳孔，我有想亲他的冲动。牵着他的手，我会很逗趣地去搔他的掌心。搂着他在怀中小睡，我会试着不让他被我吵醒。手指轻轻滑过他的头发之间，我觉得。。。怎么说呢。。。很平静，很舒适，很开心，有点幸福的味道。

但更多的是，他那看不到和摸不到的心意，和他让我一次又一次的心动。

他用一盒巧克力，一棵青苹果和一顿他准备的午餐，就把我搞定了。让爱情小乌龟加犹豫不定天枰座的我，竟很快的下了决定，问了那关键的一句，就在12月18日的那一个夏午。

而如今，他已是我男朋友！

约会.

一个人需要多少时间才能决定对一个人的喜欢？

我呢。。。少于五秒钟。我脸上合不拢的微笑，很单纯得告诉我。。。我喜欢他。

一见钟情。

而他呢？我想也是。毕竟是他主动约我的，一连两天，昨天短休，再接今明两天。

第一次约会，他对之前的讯息来回而让我迟迟未能入眠感到抱歉。他一大清早回到Koko Black买了巧克力送我赔不是。看着他，我还是说声谢加上，“You are forgiven!”。其实，我没生气，他约我，我还觉得蛮开心的。虽然只是件小插曲，他体贴的心意，我感受到了。舒舒服服的坐在旧式皮革大椅，喝着温温的雏菊茶，脸带些许幸福与微笑的闲聊。那是个很悠游夏午，有点忘了时间的夏午。

我陪他走到他上班地点的前一个红路灯，就在那儿说再见。当我回头望的时候，他也回头望了。

第二次约会，我迟到了半个小时！都是火车转换跑道。。。都是我多事儿帮助别人。。。我迟到了！我带着些许紧张的心情跑到约会地点。我看到他了。我啊。。。有些失态，有些慌乱，忙着对不起对不起。而他什么也没说，脸带笑容的把一粒青苹果递给我说，“This is for you.”。他就这样安抚了我，一句抱怨的话也没有。那天早上，我带他到South Melbourne一间环境很棒的小店吃早餐，再逛逛临近富有特色的小店画廊。。。我的手靠着他的手，距离逐渐消失，很自然的，很自然的，仿佛我俩之间起了些很微妙的变化。我们就这样过了一个悠游的早上，又忘了时间。

他陪我等电车，等我上了电车才离开。当我回头望的时候，他还在那儿。

甜甜的，心情超棒！我打起羽毛球也格外利落。

。。。但会否只是昙花一现呢？我有点不安，但我也不去想太多。。。

这就是缘吧？

一个很随性的决定，一杯Iced Chocolate和几杯水，我和他悄悄的开始了。只是朋友呢？还是。。。当时的我，想都没想过。

那天晚上，一般老朋友吃了晚饭，想说找个地方聊聊聚聚，说茶不行，喝咖啡又怕睡不着，酒又怕伤身，最后说到巧克力，那些女人二话不多说，减肥体重什么的都抛出脑后，就这样拍板定案。到了那儿，一楼满了，唯有到二楼。光顾了Koko Black这些年，我还真的今天才知道这间分店有二楼，察事儿于微的我这几年都白来了。坐在那旧式皮革扶椅上，还真是舒服舒坦。但是幸福只维持了30秒，都让女人给坐了。她们不赶我，绅士风度嘛，自动自发。。。

他就在那，但那时的我完全不知情。背着他闲聊，背着他狂笑，背着他点喝的，背着他让他添水。。。没真地去留心周遭的一切，只是单纯觉得当天的服务太棒了，服务生的他格外体贴，三不五时得来回为我们添水，就这样。。。直到Ling跟他开始闲聊了起来，我才稍微看到他的侧面。给人的感觉很舒服，总是笑脸迎人。但由于坐姿的缘由，我也没看得很清楚，也就没当一回事儿了。他走了之后，Ling和Felicia拿他当话题，看到帅哥，谈帅哥，再谈是否同性恋云云，还寻求我的意见。我又不会测古今未来，八卦四象两易半巧不通，也只能笑笑说，“可能吧。”那晚就这样闲话家常的谢幕了。

累得跟什么一样，回到家已经凌晨两点多了。。。冲了个热水澡，上下网回电邮，打算等头发干了就抱头大睡。查阅电邮信箱的时候，来了封刚结交网友的信，问我是否今晚曾到Koko Black。心想会是谁呢？直截了当的回了之后，就爬上床睡觉。那一刻，电话响了，有讯息，拿起一读，“I was the one pouring water”，原来他就是他。

躺在床上的我，时而合眼，时而半开，手指头按着键，讯息来回发送，约好了下午见面，接着我最后封讯息，“Are you gonna let me sleep now? ;O)”和他最后封讯息，“Opz… Sorry. Have a restful sleep. Nite.”，那已经是早上凌晨五点了，睡意早没了。。。但甜甜的。

时而相信，时而怀疑，真的有缘分这回事儿吗? 我不经懊恼。。。

到底会是什么呢？

P/S：向智菁我的大小姐，中文是为了方便你才写的哦~

Graduated!

Finally... For God sake... I am done... I am so done with my studies!

I G R A D U A T E D!!!!!

La la la la la ya la da la da~ *wink wink wink*

Human Rights Day.

10th December ---> Human Rights Day...

Reading various articles about the current human rights issues yesterday, I couldn't help thinking, what does it really mean? How does it translucent into actual action and something more than papers?

Headlines such as China Bad Records in Human Right, Human Rights Violation in Zimbabwe, Genocide in West Papua... flashed out every now and then on the news channel certainly help none to answer my question. How about some of the well developed western nation?

In a nut shell ---> 1. The Right to Equality 2. The Right to Freedom 3. The Right to Freedom of Religion 4. The Right against Exploitation 5. Cultural and Educational Rights 6. The Right to Constitutional Remedies.

Yes, indeed I found some clues, yet not quite… However after a deeper thought, I wonder do they practise it thoroughly? I have serious doubt.

I was reading the newspaper then ---> 1. US faked details and mislead the international community in waring Iraq 2. US tolerate the militaria dictatorship in Pakistan 3. Russia's strong fist action on Chechnya rebels 4. Portugal and Spain's strong position against separatists 5. Israel's arguable action on Palestine, alright I will say invasive...

It seems to me that human rights vary depending on situations. Rather than being a value or norm, it looks more like an excuse to intervene under the name of national interests and securities. Human rights with a labelled condition? Isn't it hypocritical?

Should human rights have to fit within a size 4 dress that those in power define it as perfect? I don’t know the right answer for that and I doubt even so. The day when everyone is happy is yet anywhere near.

I merely hope for the basic of the basics that poverty will be a word in history and no more war.

Road to end job hunting.

It is 1:23am in the morning and I am still awake. Not that I choose to, just that after 3 hours of struggling to fall into sleep, anyone would give up on sleeping for the time being...

It has been a long while since my last post, many things had happened and I am simply too lazy to write. Yap, no excuse. Other than my usual enjoying life, one thing that really been squeezing my brain was my job hunting.

After some efforts, *well... many will say that my effort is almost none, but still...* I finally got a graduate offer! Yeah, it should be something worth well to celebrate, but not quite so.

I had always intended to start my first career in Singapore, follow by Australia and then Malaysia. So when I applied for the Maxis executive graduate program, it was more like applying it for fun. The position description looks fantastic and why not. That was my one and only job application for Malaysia. Ironically, that become my first offer!

I could not start wondering was it a big joke or some meant to be challenge? I asked myself... As offer was made on spot, it pretty much left me with not much time to consider. As a result, I took the offer. Having said so, I still find it hard to accept the pay being puny when spend out of Malaysia *I know I should not compare, but...* and concern whether my skin color will a problem to climb the corporate ladder... ya da ya da... Nonetheless, that was the right thing to do at that moment, as that was the only offer on the table.

Having that on my mind for weeks, not gone... I went for some other interviews. Unexpectedly or should I say expected, *not so sure...* I got my first offer in Australia and something pretty good. I was given a place in the Telstra graduate program, one of the eight offers in Melbourne. On top of that, the salary package is great, I will be working in Melbourne CBD... It did not take me a second to think whether to accept the offer when the news was broken to me. I took it. Reflecting back, this offer fits exactly what I have been looking in Australia so far.

I am feeling great! Even after a week, I still feel that!

Things slowly fall into place and it is gonna be better. I deeply believe!

One thing I do learn about all this job hunting is that one has to be patience, patience and patience. It is just a matter of time. Having said so, it is never easy. Knowing it and accepting it, is totally two different things.

I hope my bed is calling now... I really need to sleep for an early morning and I ain't feeling sleepy. *cry*

Let it be.

Sitting in front of the computer, listening to the musics, typing this article...

The weather out there looks great, sunny + clear blue sky, what else can you ask for? However, I am rather moody... I could feel layers and layers of dark clouds started to cuddle inside me, a heavy rain to be is predictable... I guess my running nose is part of the reasons.

Early in the morning, couple of messages popped. I crawled out of my blanket, grabbed my cell and had a quick browse. Lying back on my bed, looking upon the ceiling, my brain remained blank for the next couple of minutes. I know what I should do, but don't feel great on doing so... I replied.

Things come and go in a pace you will never expect. When you think you have already lose it, it appears out of no where. How will this unfold? I so hope that things can be as simple as Q&A in the Frequently Asked Question. Every questions can be answered with a straight forward manner and you don't need to worry about the after effect as much.

I said, "Let it be..." to comfort myself.

Suitable choice.

One thing that I always realise in life is that there is no such thing as absolute.

The world is not simply black and white. Thus, neither right nor wrong is the exact answer to the many questions that bothers one. In most occasions, one gain some and lose some either ways the decision go. It is whether or not one gets what one thinks one wants. The answer to that is yet to be answered, as we never really know what the other choices will lead us to... In the end, it kind of come down a chicken or egg dilemma...

To complicate the situation, we have human. Human with distinct background, mindset, culture, ethic, class, colour, perspective, desire and such. To sum it all in one word, different. One's right is other's wrong, one's best is other's worst, so on and so on...

Just recently, I have to wear my Mr Big Bad Wolf mask and be crude to cut someone off. Although I feel bad and words are hurtful, it has to be done. If not, it will drag on and end up even uglier. Probably what I did is wrong or self fish, but it is the best way I can think of to break through such dilemma. I ask myself whether I regret doing so? I don't. Having said so, the feeling sucks big time...

When my age was still on the single digit, my little brain up there was, should I say adventurous or should I say looking for trouble, tried to find a solution to that. However, it ended up no where. Probably it wasn't time then to figure out... While now, I guess I have somehow convinced myself it is merely suitability. Whether it is right or wrong? I don't know.

"Is it that important?" I asked myself...

不期而遇

所有的偶然造就了所谓的必然。

前几天，终于遇到到文良拜托我多多照顾的blur学弟上线了。他刚到这升学，对墨尔本有点陌生，还有很多地方不习惯和要学习适应。无独有偶，他第二天会到市区逛，我时间上不需更改就能配合上。所以，我也很爽快地约了他。这样，我也对文良的托付有了个交待。见面之后，又那么巧的，blur学弟的表姐到这儿公干。我就这样莫名其妙的当起了导游。那blur学弟的表姐又想到联盟广场兜兜。转了一大圈，大家就回到之前街头艺人那儿去看表演。站不了几分钟，在围绕的人群中，竟然看到了熟悉的身影，竟然看到了老同学。我还拿下眼镜擦拭一番，免得老花眼认错人，再来个尴尬加抱歉的窘境。确定了，是他们没错！以雯和Jefferson就坐在我正对面的方向。我二话不说，绕过了人群，到了他们身后。但是，他们却丝毫没有察觉老同学就在身后。吓了他们一跳，紧接着就是这几天的叙旧。。。

最后一次见到以雯是在七年前，万万没想到七年之后会在墨尔本来个不期而遇。有七年了。。。

大姨妈？

当提到大姨妈，你会想起什么呢？

忘了是初中一年级的哪天哪月，从我踏进校门的那刻起，所经之处，都会有人不时回头，暂停脚步窃窃私语一番。其间，也会停到一些窃笑声。但是情况危急，再多几分钟，第一堂课就要开始了。迟了要被记，迟到事大，还是废事少理。所以，也不当一回事儿，直往课室方向冲。

眼看多个一百米，我就要到了。靠！铃响了！ring！ring！ring！ring！ring！！！！一进课室，一身热汗加上不自觉地一身冷汗，班导师已经开始点名了。惨了。。。心里开始碎碎念，“平时不早到，我迟你就早。。。”。就这样被他扣留在原地，非常委屈的被他猛训一顿。我也没迟多久，只是几分钟罢了，竟然会落到身心被句句大道理K的一塌糊涂的窘境。这时，开始听到身后传来的微微笑声。初中一年级还没开课多久。。。天啊！衰到爆！

吞了一身的冤气，回到座位，坐在我旁边的同学还在笑着。心里狂骂，“真衰！衰到爆！我发飚了！迟到又怎样？被骂又怎样？有谁没经历过?要打架还是要耍狠？我奉陪！！！！”那时的我壮得很，放眼望去，当不了打片天下无敌手，也当得了无敌手2。要把弱不惊风的她打到满地找牙，用根指头还嫌多。但回到现实成面，我还是很客气的笑着打哈哈。

此时，同学说了让我愣了一刻的话，“你大姨妈来了！”。

我往门口一看，试图寻找大姨妈的身影。找了个大半天，连个苍蝇也没找着。天真的我还问同学我大姨妈在哪儿？大姨妈非此之大姨妈，乃。。。她直往我白色校裤内侧指。天啊！哪来的一大片深红印迹！

她说，“你月经来了！”

整个人呆了，傻了。。。羞到不行。原来，大家的窃笑是这么一回事儿。我尝试解释那是衣服脱色造成的，但完全无效，让我当了一天的哑巴，口吃黄莲，有苦难述。接下来的一天，就在别人的欢笑声中度过。。。

当时，那种心酸又欲哭无泪的心情，真是一言难尽。现在看来，还蛮有趣的。哈哈哈哈哈哈~

致小情歌

耳边不停地重复听着同一首曲，
嘴上不觉地重复哼着同一个调。
一首歌让我着了魔，
一首簡單的小情歌。
我喜欢它幽柔委婉的曲调，
我喜欢他情感细腻的唱腔。
我喜欢它简朴又深邃的描绘，
我喜欢他相聚又离散的叙述。
我喜欢看它飘浮在空中，音符围绕着我转啊转啊转的一幕。
我喜欢听他的迂回悸动，心迹随着旋律跳啊跳啊跳的一刻。
握紧那个他的手，心情单纯快乐，冰冰的冬天也不那么冷了。
渐失那个他的肩，思绪混乱复杂，热热的夏天怎么那么冷呢？
乐与哀的拥有与失去，不禁让我想起那年的那个他。

小情歌
乐团：苏打绿

這是一首簡單的小情歌
唱著人們心腸的曲折
我想我很快樂　當有你的溫熱
腳邊的空氣轉了

這是一首簡單的小情歌
唱著我們心頭的白鴿
我想我很適合　當一個歌頌者
青春在風中飄著

你知道　就算大雨讓這座城市顛倒
我會給你懷抱
受不了　看見你背影來到
寫下我　度秒如年難挨的離騷

就算整個世界被寂寞綁票
我也不會奔跑
逃不了　最後誰也都蒼老
寫下我　時間和琴聲交錯的城堡

Little Love Song
Artist: Sodagreen
Translator: M. Oyen

This is a simple little love song
Singing the complications of people’s hearts
I think I’m happy, when I had your warmth
The air by my feet turned

This is a simple little love song
Singing of the white doves in our hearts
I think I’m suited to singing odes
Youth flutters in the wind

You know, even if floods overtake this city
I’ll give you my embrace
I can’t stand it, seeing the form of your back
I record the unending misery of leaving

Even if the entire world is held ransom by loneliness
I still can’t run away
I can’t escape, in the end everyone grows old
I record how for me, time and music intersected at the wrong castle

Transformer

It has been a while since I found a movie worth the ticket price. Spiderman III, Piarate and the Carribeans III and Shrek III have same weight as none, aka worthless or crap. I had much expectations, but all flushed down the drain. Thus, I was rather skeptical with Transformer

After the movie, just one word, FANTASTIC!

Optimus PrimeMegatron

See him driving, RUN!!!!!

No one is perfect, that is for sure.

Mozart may be a fantastic musician, but he might not be a good politician. Einstein may be a successful scientist, but he might not be a skillful gardener. My high school teacher Mr I-do-not-remember-his-name may be good in Biology, but he is for sure I guarantee not a fantastic marathon runner...

Sometimes, something just never meant to be and we just have to accept that. In Alan's case, he is for sure not a driver you will want to see on the driver's seat.

It was a chilly cold evening, we were on our way driving home from the local supermarket. Sitting at the back seat, I couldn't sense a moment of comfort. Based of his previous driving experiences, I was sure that my worries weren't unnecessary. I tightened my seat belt and had a silent pray. Nothing much, just a smooth drive back.

Less than a minute, something shocking happened!

Alan was making a turn at the corner. At that very moment, he saw some old friends walking by the car. Without a second thought, he raised both his hands joyfully and started waiving. He was trying to get their attention. Little that he was aware that HE WAS ACTUALLY DRIVING! He was in total excitement. Yap, he forgot. The car was heading towards the protection block. Eric was yelling, "Hit! We are gonna hit! Hit... Stop...". While me, I was out of voice but with mouth widely opened... Luckily, the car stopped immediately and nothing severe happened. The car was less than 10cm away from direct impact. This pretty much explain and I rest my case.

See him driving, RUN!!!!!

Alan, the driver...

睡不着

是6度C的早晨太过冷呢？
还是忐忑不安的心在作祟？
往左盖三次，往右盖三次，试着让脸颊不那么冰，最终放弃，整条被子往头上盖。
往左翻三次，往右翻三次，想些有的没得，如今也想不起来，到底躺时想些什么。
一整晚都睡不着。
听着墙上的挂钟“滴答。。。嘀嗒。。。”的响着，
数着跳越床头“咩咩。。。咩咩。。。”叫的懒羊。
试图合上眼，似睡非睡得度过。。。
“碰！”的一声，鼎华出门了。又“碰！”的一声，Eric出门了。
赖在床上，尝试说服自己再多会儿就能睡着。。。
又“碰！”了一声，那是Alan。
拿起手表，往那一瞄，十一点了。
算了。。。起床吧！

拒绝

冷清的街头显得寂静，我们一言不发得走着。
不想你难受，尝试逗你笑，希望冲淡对你的伤害。
然而预言的失败应验，紧接着持续不断的沉默。
拒绝之时，想起被拒之时。
刺骨的寒风，赤裸裸的刮开见似痊愈的伤疤。
曾经伤过，曾经痛过，能说不疼就不疼吗？
走在你身旁，勉强的微笑，试图掩饰不定的心与微湿的眼。
伤的是你还是我？
不知道，不清楚，不了解。
做的是对还是错？
不知道，不清楚，不了解。
九点了，该走了。
你挥了手，头也不回的离开了。
加了又删的text，该与不该的体贴，只剩下“抱歉。。。伤了你。。。抱歉。。。”的七字message。
讯息发送了，电车错过了。
坐在冰冷的板凳，孤单的等着下一班。
何时会到呢？

His confession.

I was rather sleepy, not because I was bored, it was just the lack of sleep for consecutive days. As he was talking and I was listening, I couldn't stop rubbing my eyes and yawning. I was covering my mouth with my hand, trying not to make it obvious or rather not making myself impolite. I was simply too tired...

Daniel, "I like you. I really do like you and I want to see you more often."
Mel, "... Thank you..."

Was I surprised then? I wasn't. Was I uneasy then? I wasn't. Was I freaked out then? I wasn't.

Somehow, I know it all these while. I was prepared. I was calm and settle when he confessed. Why? I guess I am used to it now. After all, this wasn't the first time. Was I taking it maturer than before? Was I not interested at all? I don't know... What I did know, my heart wasn't beating fast and his was. Does that conclude anything? I can't answer.

Someone said this once, "I don't need one who makes my heart beats at 180 twenty four seven and leave me no space for a sip of fresh air. What I need is someone who sky rocketed my heart occasionally, leave me some space to breath and be me. "

I used to like a person that just thinking of him would make my heart beat so quick and I hardly could think anymore. I used to confess to a person that every words I said accompanied with my fast beating heart and I hardly could remember how to breath. However, both ended no where. Sad... Sad... I was really sad and hurt... Thus, will I want another one? I don't know... However, I do agreed with Mr Someone.

Will my heart ever beat for him? I don't know. Am I shielding myself not to get hurt? I don't know. What will happen then? I don't know.

I am writing about it now, does this say something? Only time will tell...

小心后面！

来来来~那位大哥大姐来告诉我，有谁会不喜欢欣赏漂亮的事物呢？

从倾国倾城的大美人到玲珑剔透的翡翠玉，就算是看得到，摸不着，是人地，都会回个头，瞧个眼，再来个品头论足。但大多数的我们，只都会在事后人后谈起，深怕别人说三道四，莫名其妙的被人尊称刘姥姥，贬了个乡下来的名号。唉。。。真是有点做贼心虚的味。。。自个儿猛火狂烧百户，不许他人点灯亮屋。真是造孽啊。。。

前几天，我和Iris在郊外的一间越南小食吃了城区享受不了值七十分的美食。吃饱喝足，手拿着姜醋的佐料，聊着聊着，慢慢的走向火车站。聊得兴起的时候，有个大帅哥不经意的走过。。。此时，我们都静下了。过了一阵，我们开始说起大帅哥，不时地赞起他整体的服饰搭配和那多么适合他的太阳眼镜，让他整个人看起来帅呆了。不禁的对他的真面目有了些许的期待。

不只是否上天起了个慈悲心，背后传来把声，“请问你们知道这里附近，哪儿有大盘鸡吃吗？”。我们一转身，发现问路人竟然就是他他他。。。脱下了太阳眼镜，脸上有种忍俊不俊，强忍爆笑得一面。就在那一瞬间，我们有点慌了，呆了。。。经验老到的我，潜意识的迅速掩饰了呆鹅的一面，摆出一种悠然的世态，答了他的问题。

糗死了！天啊啊啊!!!糗死了!!!!!!我和Iris忍不着的大笑起来，还不时地回头望，怕丑态再现。虽然献丑了，上天还真的让我们看见了他的真面目，我们都觉得戴上太阳眼镜的他帅呆了。。。

下次，还是等走远了再说。

Revenge on pigeon

Pigeons by sunset

One thing that one will notice in Melbourne is the super duper fat pigeon. Unlike any other places, the chances of seeing a skinny pigeon is dim. Is it because of the weather, the gene, the food or...? I don't know. Nonetheless, the thought of grilling them always remain an option. However, good hearted me always obey to the buddha's teaching and self discipline keep me away from skinning the bird, till this very moment...

Just yesterday, I was sitting by the front of the cafe in Colin Arcade, having sip of chamomile... something fell on my hand... It was BIRD DROP!!!! @#$%&*! Of all the places... For God sake, it was on the hand and I could just wipe it off. If it was on my hair, dear God... save me!

I shall have my revenge one day. I am going to go to the local Chinese restaurant and order a roast pigeon!

Sick...

Tuesday's weather was rather crazy. The sky was gloomy or should I said dark. Layers and layers of greyish cloud cuddled closely. Not even a slight beam on sun slight could break through. The weather was like a huge thunder storm waiting to be exploded. Nonetheless, emotional Melbourne weather proved everyone wrong once again.

The day was only full of drizzling rain. The type that stops every few minutes, continues with another few minutes and so on... The wind was rather strong and chilly. Not a thing I wore helped to keep me warm. Somehow, it had a way to flow through my thick jacket and hit straight on me. I was like an ice-cube-to-be in the freezer, approaching ground zero.

Normally, I would cover myself in a thick blanket with the heater on, watching my stack of HK dramas or Taiwanese talk shows. However, I had a presentation and two gathering to attend... -_- Not willingly, I dragged myself out and did my thing.

As expected, I was suffering from headache and cold by the evening. I was on the tram and heading back to Windsor. I couldn't help massaging my head hoping to help smoothen the pain. However, I failed. Not only it was a huge ache, it was also because Alan was being an absolutely jackass. He tried to be funny, but wrong time wrong moment. Helloooo!!?? Headache over here and shut up over there please! I felt like giving him gozillion slap and sewed his mouth with threads to silent him. Hmmm... How about a slight cut on the throat with a samurai sword...

Upon stepping in the apartment, I walked straight to the kitchen. I cooked some poridge with extra ginger and sesame oil ginger chicken. Later, some herbal tea... Well.. Sign of improvement was seen, I faced another problem. I had stomachache and have been a frequent customer of the toilet since. I realise the reasons = food poisoned. It was the fragmented tofu, courtesy of Alan...

Alas... Alan...

Bang! Bang!

A normal day, a normal morning, little would I expect such an early call. I reached to my jeans for my mobile. It was a message.

Yong, "Hey good morning, just wanna let u guys know. There is shooting going on in the city n the gun man is still out there. Be careful."

I thought someone was just being nasty in the morning and went back to bed...

...

Later in the afternoon, I realised that it was not a joke. A man was trying to drag a lady into the cab early this morning. While the lady resisted and attracted passers by attentions. Few approached to extend their help to the lady. The man laid his hands off the lady, pulled out his gun and started to shoot. "Bang! Bang!" A man collapsed and was killed instantly with two shots. The shooting continued and couple fell injured...

The thought of it can happen to anyone of us, freaks me out and gives me this creepy feeling. Somehow, it also reminds me of my conversation with mum days ago. I am still indecisive whether or not to leave Melbourne. She advised me to stay on and was showing her concern about the current situation in JB. It is a Sin City literally these days. Rape, robbery, murder... You name it. Caleb was back in JB few weeks ago and he was shocked by the situation. Jiang was just talking about the car accident scandal days ago. There was this comment, "if you have not been a victim of a crime, then you are not from JB..." How sad to hear that...

Although authorities claims crime rate has reduced, hardly anyone feel the situation is getting in control. The fact that the recent rape case victims being ping pong from one police station to another when attempting to make reports, do give some clues on why crime rates have reduced. I can't stop doubting whether or not the government's plan in developing the southern region will succeed with disturbing frequency of crimes happening these days.

Am I gonna be the next victim with a bang? Fingers crossed, hopefully not...

Eureka shines

Well... it is the one of the most expensive apartment in Melbourne. So it make sense it shines. However, little will I expect that Eureka will shine literally!

P/S: The photos are not results of photoshops!

Deja Vu

I was cleaned and ready to get out for lunch. I was at the door step wondering whether to take the train or tram. 10 seconds later, my watch suggested otherwise. It was 11:30am and lunch with Gerald was on 12:30pm.

What would I do downtown with the extra time I had? Surf net? Chat msn? Do push ups? Continue with my book...? Na, I took a stroll by St Kilda road, from Prahran. Had my scarf all over my neck, ipod tuned on, I got out from the apratment and started my one hour excursion.

As I was walking on the pathway. I had this Deja Vu feeling. It looked so familiar, somehow I felt that I had been here before. Well... It can't be. That was my first walk. The sun was shining brightly up in the sky. I don't think was 撞鬼. Anyway, I will somehow remember. I took my baby out and took a snap.

Now... I remember. It was the usual strasse I took to got to Old Town from my place. Thinking about it, there are many places in Melbourne that is quite similar to Graz. I wonder what are the guys doing now, it is a nice time to swim in the lake...

Long weekend

It had been a long weekend, little that I aware that it is already Tuesday. I thought that I might have some time to slack and ZZzZzzZzzzzzz... The fact ---> no much time to do so.

Sneaky Jess invited some of her friends including myself for a dinner at Seoul Garden and forgot to mention it was her birthday. *I guess she did it intendedly~* Nonetheless, I was prepared and I already got her a nice purple scarf with those kimono print. I hope she likes it~ However, I was forgetful enough to bring it along. *Jess hand you sometime later in the week.* Then the gals hopped in Lounge Bar for couple of drinks *In which they failed due to the usual long queue on Friday night... They went Canary Club instead.* while I went to meet another friend at Westin for a pot of hot Chamomile. *I was full to the top, Chamomile will be just nice to help me to digest...*By the time I cuddled my pillow, it was early 1:00am in the morning.

Less than enough sleep, Eric came kicking my arse... There was my phone interview with Ericsson. Following that day, We had to attend a network 21 presentation. Frankly speaking, I will normally nicely reject the invitation, I simply think it is bullhaaashit. However sometimes one have to give one's friends some face and show some support. There I was, rubbing my puffy eyes, listening to the presentation. After an hour of business presentation, *Ahem!!!* diplomatic I was to turn down the opportunity. Eric and I were giving each other the eye sights, quickly we got packed and showed ourself to the door. Then, we had to buy some stuff and prepare the BBQ for Monday. It was a 3 hours of hard work and damn you lazy Eric, *slap slap slap* couldn't you just for once do something in the damn kitchen? Luckily, CK and Wen Jing was there t o help up. The day ended with my vinegar ginger stew pork~ *Yum yum yum~*

On Sunday, I need to finish off the Hong Kong drama I missed for weeks before anyone murder them. By the time I got some sorted out, it was already late afternoon and I have to get ready to meet the gals. The dinner was with Anne, her farewell dinner before she leave for Sydney... ... ... ... *Hug Anne...*

Monday, Eric came and woke me up... It was only bloody 9:30am!!! Why did I have to wake up so early???! Yeah, BBQ... I took my usual slow+ 1 pace to get ready. My hair was bad and I had to leave... Everyone was just sitting at the living room, indirectly hinting that they were waiting for me. *Sigh...* It was a full on till late night... Fun yet tiring... I am tired... Presentation was cancelled today last minute...

Argghh... So much I hope that my baby digital camera wasn't low bat... I haven't been taking much photos lately and it is time to action.

Sydney visit

What a surprise in the last minute, my interview was rescheduled to Melbourne and it appeared to be too late then for me to cancel my flight. So plan changed, Sydney will be a plan B = vacation.

I had been Sydney couple of times, but little that I like about the place. Dirty? Messy? Ugly? Yes, but not so. I just simply didn't like it. So knowing that I will be there for couple of days, I wasn't really in the mood. Well, thought about it throughly, at least I could caught up with Caleb and that would make most of my days.

I hadn't seen this fellow for over two years now and was really glad when I finally see him. Same old Caleb, the only major difference, he has a girl friend now. Grace = sweet and funny. They make a fantastic couple. *hahahaha~*

Grace and Caleb

The couple days in Sydney had been all about the beach, city and books.

The coastal walk path from Coogee Beach, passed Coverley Beach, Gordon Bay and Tamarama Beach to Bondi Beach was great. The view was picturesque and multi million worth. *I bet the town houses, apartments, cemetery... cost a bomb...* Then wandering around the city... Just like any other city, and this was just another one. Thus most of my time, I dwell within Kunikunya. I so hope that they will have their foot in Melbourne one day. The books were fantastic and in such a short time, I blew my wallet for four. Now, I am so down with $... Few more meals with bread... *cry*

Well, I could say this trip has been great and Sydney isn't as bad after all... *smile*

Coogee Beach

Gordon Bay

Cemetery facing the seaTamarama Beach

Bondi Beach

不安

日子一天天的飞逝，转眼间已经到了秋季中的五月。。。回想着匆匆过去的几个月里，心里充斥着许多的郁闷与困惑，对茫茫的前路，感到不安和迷惘。同时，也窥视到了自己对感情的懦弱。

信心满满的那个我，为何不见踪影？信念坚定不移的那个我，为何动摇了？灿烂笑容常挂脸上的那个我，为何显得苦涩？心口被幸福添满的那个我，为何感到了个缺口？觉的单身也活得很好的那个我，为何会觉得寂寞？事事随缘的那个我，为何如此得执着？ 曾经的那个我，哪儿去了？

如今的我，为了他那几句不经意的话，起了凡心，烦心。自己苦了自己，自己成了自己的磨人精。他知道吗？不，他就象月亮绕着地球转般理所当然的过着他的每一分，每一秒，每一刻。他会明白吗？不，他那被层层缎带包扎的受伤心，早已麻木了他的知觉。他会体谅吗？不，他认为这只是芝麻绿豆般的小事，何必小题大作。他真那么想吗？

心中祈望着颗扎实与稳当的石头到来，牢固的把随风飘摇的风筝绑实。定下吧。。。

P/S: Happy Birthday Dad and Iris. *kisses and love*

Cracking principles

What will you normally relate a rock with? Stable, tough, reliable, dependable, fundamental, conservative, reluctant or merely just another word for stubborn?

Somehow, I always think of stubbornness, like me.

I have certain core fundamental values that which I do not trade off. It is the basic that juggles the many decisions that I make in life. It is a way how I seek a balance point. Like a rock, it doesn't just break or shatter with few desperate attempts. In most instances, it remains still and firm, static against time, a hard foundation to many. Having said so, anything above the bottom line will remain dynamic and flexible. It can be negotiated. In most instances, the open personality of mine is known by many, while the hard-headed personality is only glimpsed by few.

However, not a thing is eternal static. We grow as time flies, after the chilly winter comes the warm spring, sun sets while moon rises...

The same applies to a rock. It breaks to smaller stones. Then, it cracks into smaller pebbles. Later, it becomes finer sand...

Some of the principles I glued along with for years was out of my mind for moments. Moments when I had completely forget till a point. A point when all these values virtually slapped me back. At that instance, I was shocked and felt sudden awaken from nightmare. All these principles hit me hard as it had never before.

I have been thinking of what had happened for the couple of days and I asked myself, "Do I feel remorseful?" and the true answer, "I don't know." I know that I should not have done so. I can find reasons to defend myself, but it will be dishonest. The truth is I was weak...

Gandhi once said, "A principle is the expression of perfection, and as imperfect beings like us cannot perfect perfections, we devise every moment limits of its compromise in practise." and I think I can now say he has a point or an excuse for me.

Nonetheless, I am able to look into myself once again.

He ain't heavy, he's my father

If you have been watching Cantonese movies for long, you might not hear of "He ain't heavy, he's my father", but you will probably hear of "新难兄难弟". A 1993 film with big names, such as 梁家辉, 梁朝伟, 袁咏仪, 刘嘉玲, 陈可辛... *Sorry... Don't know their English name...* The story talked about Yuen scorns his father, who he thinks is too generous and forgiving. Through a time travel gimmick, Yuen meets his parents during their joyous courtship. Yuen comes to understand and admire his dad, and reflect on his own moral defects. A story with much to think of and reflect on, especially, on the way how people deal with relationships.

It is one of my all time favourites.

So when Winnie told me about the screen play in Melbourne Uni, I said yes without a second thoughts. However, I was not impressed at all. Well... I do understand that it was a student play and I should not be complaining as much, but I have to pay $15 to get a seat. Frankly speaking, it did not worth that price with my critique hat on. Some of the actors did not bring out the essence of the characters and some were just trying too hard. The side dialogue was a bit disengaging instead of engaging. The pace of the play could be better. *For many moments, I had almost fallen asleep* Also, I was hoping for some new ideas integrated into the script and apparently not. Having said so, the stage setting was quite nice and the mother-in-law character was well played.

*Hmmm...*

For some I-do-not-know reasons, the play gave me an unsettle feeling and there was a sense of creepiness... *It somehow reminds me of The Butterfly Effect... Yikes!*

Seven Mile Fragrance

Walking along Drummond Street, passing by the old Victorian terrace, running across the zebra crossing, under the same sky, same tree, same time... and for a moment I stood. Where was the refreshing fragrance from the Common Jasmine Orange? *One of favourites, a flower who has a beautiful name in my mother tongue, Seven Mile Fragrance (七里香)*

Still remember the day, I stepped foot at Drummond. It was bad and depressing, just simply down emotionally... Somehow, at that spot, I found smile and spirit to keep me going. It was the therapeutic fragrance. Since then, I stopped for couple of seconds and had a few deep breath every time I passed.

This noon, I was there again, but the fragrance was no where to be found. Lost, lost one day, today. I stood and tried to search. I only saw the flower faded. Couple of petals had fallen, couples had turned yellow, couples had... I looked up into the sky, gloomy and only had little sun light beamed through the mist of clouds. Then, I noticed the tree leaves by the streets had slowly coated with a greenish yellow texture.

It is autumn.

It was spring around this time last year, I was in Graz. I am in Melbourne now. With the fragrance disappeared in the air, it took away big piles of my sadness and sorrows. Out of the blue, I hand my hands high up and clapped couple of times, thinking that some of the leaves might fall. It had not. *smile*

I looked at my watch. I fastened my pace. I was late. The guys would be complaining... and they did. At least, I am much happier now. *smile*

2nd May

Will you remember what you did last year, on this very day and very moment? A usual me will be like whatever and why bother? *Too busy I guess...* However, I remember 2nd May 2006 on 2nd May 2007. *Ya... I am too boring... hahaha~*

On 2nd May 2006, this point of time, I just went through an awful embarrassment, wore the wrong thing for work, like an alien. My boss was wearing T-shirt, short pants with slippers. Sitting opposite is me, the decent young man with full suit, neat tie, polished leather shoes. What a scene.

On 2nd May 2007, this point of time, I just finished my lunch and had great laugh over some hilarious stuff, found Sepet screening on a shit time. *Argggghhh... I have Spiderman 3 to watch...* At the moment, chatting online, writing this article and checking mails.

Major difference = job then jobless now = Austria then Australia now = ... then ... now.

This morning, I danced along with kids again and started with a fantastic morning. Only problem, my brain is still aching.

Can't stop smiling.

For no reasons, *still figuring...* I feel ecstatic today and simply can't stop smiling. Maybe because I didn't sleep well yesterday... *Hmmm... I doubt so...*

Let me refresh my memories...

Early in the morning, I raised from my bed, felt a bit dizzy, *still recovering...* had my fingers massaging my head, sat mindlessly on the sofa, covered myself with a rug, had some awfully bitter Ku Ting Cha, practiced Yoga, watched AK morning talk show, applied my hydrating mask, took a hot shower... Danced along with elves and fairies in the Kid show, *... ... ... Hold on... dance... Hahahaha... A little bit of kid in me or was I simply over bored then?* chanted sutra and mantra...

Alright, I don't know why, but just simply feeling good today. Let it be then. *Maybe because I am less sick now? Or maybe my brain suffered permanent damage and cause abnormal behaviour?*

Sickly sick

I am sick now, very sick... My brain is floating, eyes are sore, bones are cracking, muscles are aching, feeling cold yet thermometer told otherwise, stomach kicking hard, toilet being my very best friend...

Who can I blame other than myself?

Somehow, everything just happened within the same week. I was out almost every single day having good food, 'good' food that poisoned. There were the Beijing Duck Old Kingdom, Balinese Warung Agus, Japanese J cafe +++ *Considering three consecutive days of Yum Cha... I feel like puking now... Brain is spinning in the sky~ Weewwww~*

I need a break now. I need something light... very light but good...

Oh ya~ Happy Birthday Winnie~~ *Weeeewwww~~~ I am flying~~~~*

Never Give Up!

Yesterday, I was on the phone with Anne, getting some feedbacks on one of my gazillions cover letter. Somehow, the grumpy cat started to nag and nag on his hurdles on job hunting. *Can't help it sometimes...* My dear friend was really patience with my frustrations and had been a fantastic listener, listening to my problems. Every now and then, whispered some words of wisdoms, shared some of her and her friends' experiences.

One of them sticks to my mind, "Never give up!"

It hit me! Knowing bits and pieces of what she went through in the past, somehow, I felt more settle. I guess at that point, she became inspirational and revitalise my restless soul.

At that moment, I started to reflect. Frankly speaking, I had only been on the hunt for 6 weeks and considered what Louisa said on one fine day, "Average time needed for a graduate to get a job in Australia is at least 3 to 6 months." What am I complaining? Plus, I am not yet a graduate. Other than slapping myself for complicated my own situation myself, no others I could blame.

Later, aunt called from Malaysia. She gave me some comfort and encouragements. The feeling of unproductive was inflicting me badly then. By the end of the day, things that don't kill you will just make you stronger. No choice, but to take it easy now. *crossed fingers*

Thanks Anne and aunt. Much appreciated and well kept in heart *smile*

Oven baked Salmon.

I was reading this article yesterday and I couldn't stop laughing... It brought back some memories...

There was this day, in the middle of the night, happily I was and I decided to make some exotic dish, oven baked salmon with mango salad dressing. *Yummmmm~ It is great mannnn~*

I got fish seasoned on the foil, left it in the oven, turned up the heat at 200 celcius degrees for 20 minutes... *1 minute passed... 2 minutes passed... 3 minutes passed... ... ... 20 minutes passed... RIINNGGGGG!!!!!!*

As soon as I opened the oven... *Beeep BBBEEEEPPP BBEEEPPPp...!!!!!!!* Holy cow! The freaking fire detector alarmed! I quickly closed the oven, opened the balcony door, pulled a chair, grabbed a table cloth and started fanning towarded the fire detector. *All I had in my mind was the amount of $$$$ I had to coffer out if the ambulance and fire brigade came* Some miserable 5 minutes later, it stopped. For one moment, I was feeling lucky.

So, I went back to my Salmon. As soon as I opened the oven, the drama started all over again... When the alarm went off this time, I stood in front of my oven, hands on my stomach, swallowing my hunger and I didn't dare to open the oven.

There was my oven baked salmon with mango salad dressing, only difference was that the fish was already in charcoal form. *Geeeezzzz...*

Revisiting Manchester Lane

My last visit to Manchester Lane was couple of years ago and I had never thought of coming back here since then. Not to say that it was bad, but just there were better place. Since Dizzy's is off the map now, I guess will be nice to visit old Manchester. So when Ling's eldest sis came during the weekend, we went for some music and drinks.

The bouncer was nice that night and he gave us free entries. *smile* *save us $$$~* Dear Manchester Lane, hasn't changed as much. Nice atmosphere, no cigarette buds, nice cocktails, nice mocktails, nice music and ya~ nice accompany. While, the gals got me free drinks, what else could I ask for? *Ermmm... While... I could ask for $1 million worth Ang Pao~ Hehehe~* Too bad I was a bit shy to dance on floor... *Alright, you Europeans will start giggle and give me the roll-eye look... Who cares~*

Nice meeting ya, Lie~ Catch ya in Singapore~

Virginia Tech Massacre

In one day, 30+ people died...

The next day, President Bush, "Blar... blar... blar..."

The following day, Gun Laws is still loose as before and is getting thinner.

When will the bugging high flies start to think straight and perfer to make love instead of more war and violent?

Rest peace soul... May the scars and wounds fade one day... one day...

Invicible Wings

Sitting on the car, on my way back to the 'suburb' home, I found myself repeatedly replaying the song, The Invicible Wings by Angela Zhang (隱形的翅膀, 張韶涵). Again and again... sang to the lyrics...

隱形的翅膀
每一次 都在徘徊孤單中堅強
每一次 就算很受傷也不閃淚光 我知道 我一直有雙隱形的翅膀 帶我飛 飛過絕望
不去想 他們擁有美麗的太陽 我看見 每天的夕陽 也會有變化 我知道 我一直有雙隱形的翅膀 帶我飛 給我希望
我終於看到 所有夢想都開花 追逐的年輕 歌聲多嘹亮
我終於翺翔 用心凝望不害怕 哪裏會有風 就飛多遠吧
隱形的翅膀 讓夢恒久比天長 留一個願望 讓自己想像

The Invisible Wings *English translation from Wikipedia*
Each time, I become stronger in loneliness.
Each time, I hold off my tears even when I’m hurt deeply.
I know I have a pair of invisible wings that will let me fly.
Fly over despair.
I will not envy that they have the beautiful sun.
I can see that the dusk is different everyday.
I know I have a pair of invisible wings that will let me fly.
Give me hope.
I finally see all my dreams come true.
The youthful pursuits. How the singing voice resonant?
I finally take flight. I look forward and am not afraid.
I would fly however far the wind takes me.
Invisible wings let dreams last forever.
I’ll keep one wish for my own imagination.

Like me and those who is walking on a path with only glimpse of light, will find a way... I hope... *smile*

Like a breeze

Two weeks ago, in the middle of the night, mum called, "Xien, your dad and I are coming to Melbourne. So, meet us at the airport..." By the end of the conversation, I was still recovering for the sudden news. Then 3 days later, yap, there they were at the arrival hall.

To certain extend my parents visited us at a weird time, *While I knows is Easter... but they don't celebrate that in Malaysia...* I was not in a fantastic mood, *While not to say that I have been in a fantastic mood since fox rejected me... Still trying hard to make myself understand something just never meant to be... I still love ya fox...* simply just not the right time and many times, I had tried to make ways to get out from the suburb house. Although I controlled myself, I was away for few days, not with them, catching some fresh air. Emotionally complicated basket ---> me *Argggghhhh... Having so much freaking time, feeling damn unproductive, damn it...*

So the 10 days, my dismantle brain and heart swang with my distorted emotions.

Now, my parents are back in Malaysia. Thinking of it... I do appreciate my parents for dropping by. I am inflicted by their positivism and I love my mum big clear laugh~ Thanks for the support and patience.

*Shake his head* Why does my brain tend to complicate things and can't it be simpler...

Like a breeze, a breeze that revitalise my loss soul... they come and go when it is needed the most... ...

Sex to job

I was having my sip of vanilla ice cream and chocolate milk, under the fine blue sky. Then, a question popped out of nowhere and I almost spilled the milk. *Giggled*

Kenny said, "How can you ever be good in sex, if you never ever practice? On one side, the gals expect you to0 be good. On another side, they expect you to be a fresher..." ...

*Hmmm... Not so sure about the being fresh part...* What should I say... That kinda reminds me of my current situation. Not in the sex sense, but work sense. Looking forward to graduating soon, I cannot help feeling reluctant and a bit uneasy. After all, graduate = jobless.

Browsing through the Singapore job search website, I hardly found any suitable and stuck in dilemma. 90% of the Uni fresh graduate position required at least 3 years of working experience. *Sigh* I cannot help to wonder, isn't that a fresh graduate is one with no experience? When I say experience, I am referring to actual field experience. Or am I the only who thinks that way? Also, the advertisements remind me that the world does not need as much Master as I thought...

Then, I switch focus to Australia and find myself in a worse position. There isn't much job in my industry. I was desperate to a stage where I submitted application for HR Recruitment Consultant. *Lol* While I guess, I just need to be more patience and when the time is right, I will be there. *smile*

Occupied

Alright, I know I sounded awful previously. While what can I do... The fox has some sharp claws and the cut is pretty bad... *Aiyo* Don't worri lar, the cat got nine lives, it will survive... Thanks for the concerns... *The cat bent his body 90 degrees low* Arigato.

...

Reading back where I left previously, I had not been updating my life in Melbourne as much, just went over and over on my heart break. *Grabbed some big fat tunas from the fridge and wallop the cat inside out... MEOW!!!!!* So somehow, my life here was packed.

Two weeks back was the day at Venus Bay and some time at the Melbourne Annual Moomba Festival with splashing fireworks. A week since then, it was the Thai Festival at Federation Square and the Yarra Art Craft Market. *Should I get the hand knitted white scarf?* This coming weekend, there will be choices (A.) Osaka Festival (B.) Flour Festival (C.) Wine and Food Market (D.) FINA community activities.*Hmmm... which one...* So that's weekend.

Then weekdays, I am basically preparing for presentations *Hmmm... When will Vanita confirm the date?* , sending CVs, lunches and dinners with different people, movies *I just watched a Taiwanese piece, Eternal Summer and a Korean piece, The King and The Clown... not bad~* being the lovely and homy house cat, cooking dinner for the gals *I made soup today~* Also, I have to spend more time with my brother! *I haven't been doing so...* Getting myself occupied and try not to think...

So, that is basically everything in a nut shell...

4 years

The last time was 4 years ago, then I was quite young, not even 21. Not knowing where I was, just remember the fun of digging out pi pi from the coast sand, throwing sand balls, doing some surfing moves, swimming in the chilly sea water, and got my first taste of shivering to my very bones...

4 years since, I was back again. Now I know her name, Venus Bay. Strolling on the same beach, beach no.5 and did the same thing. However, something more than just the same old smile on my face. Trying to get over the ache, trying to see what's right, trying to understand maybe it just ain't to be, trying to find the way in a dark path...

Things are different, it should be, after all it has been 4 years...

Birth and death

Early in the morning, I called Yaso, wanted to give her a surprise and had lunch with her. She is one of those who I misses heaps, she is a life mentor and a good friend. As she picked my call, the mood shifted instantly. I was expecting a polite and joyful sound from the other end, instead, it was low, sad, anytime-tears-coming-out voice...

Yaso' father had just passed away.

Foolishly, I asked her,"are you sad?". What was I thinking... *ARRGGGGHHHHHH!!!! someone just slap me please!!!!* Who would not be sad! I guess I was just too shock and words just popped out... Losing someone who one cares so much, can be a huge pain and a hollow one. Just like being pierced through by a javelin, something is missing and the emptiness in heart. Nothing that one can do to fill it up, only time will able to mend the scar. Even so, every now and then, it still hits your guts... Sometimes, I just think why am I doing this to myself?

...

Later that night, something good strike. My uni mate, Peter has just become a father~ I feel happy and joy for him. Also, I feel warm flowing through and it feels good. A father, my friend. It just reminds me of getting old... *Ahem...* I mean mature...

birth and death is just part of life... *trying to remember what Buddha said...*

Something just happened

I was in shock when mum told me that Esther was in the operation. For a moment, I thought that mum was just kidding over the phone... She wasn't.

Esther was doing high jumping during her PE class. When she fell, she missed the mats and hit the cement floor. It was a bad accident. The impact was hard and parts of her skull was cracked. The operation took more than 3 hours to complete. For God's sake, the impact was not on the brain. It was on the side of her ears and she is recovering quite quick. Nonetheless, everyone is still pretty nervous on the circumstances.

Considering that we just had breakfast on Sunday, never in our mind that this would happen, at least not so soon... Just feel that things do catch you off guard every now and then, can this be prevented? Or everything was preplanned... Hmmm... ... ... feel a sudden fragility...

Happy Chinese New Year...

Chinese New Year, it should be full of joy. Yes, indeed... However... To me, there is sadness to it. I just got rejected. The festive mood is hardly there...

Only when... Only when dad smiled brightly, had his hand on my head, wished me a happy new year... Only when mum laughed loudly on the great things... Only when my little nephews and nieces give me a hi five on hand... Only when my cousin uncle introduce me his wife... Only when knowing my god sister is getting married in a month plus time... Only when I hug my god father... Only when my long lost touched mates came together again... Only when... ... ... I can feel the joy in heart, inflicted by the festive season.

Then, it was moments of emptiness. Something is missing. I feel all my positive energy is sucked out of my body... I feel hollow... down... down...

Rejection is common, who has not gone through it? However, knowing it and able to accepting it, is different. It is a sucky feeling. Not good at all... not good... Especially from those who you care and feel for. If I can cry out loud and release the bitterness, that will be great. I can't... If I can instantly forget and release myself from the misery, that will be great. I can't... If I can choose not to love one who does not love me and release myself from the pain. I can't... If I can... ... ... ... I can't.

Relationship is a two ways thing, regardless of its context. It can't work only on one side, just like clapping with only one hand, it just ain't gonna sound. I know and I am writing it... Am I trying to convince myself? ... However, will anyone just simply move on without trying harder? I don't know the answer for that. For me, I will wait and try harder, even knowing that it does not always work out with hard work. Maybe, maybe not... ... ... too much things flashing through my mind... ... it is getting harder and harder to put down all in words...

Happy Chinese New Year. I wish you all are blessed, surrounded by your love ones and have peace in heart.

36 hours of high school reunion...

Jian Hong: "We just decided to drive down to KL, you wanna join?"
Mel: "Are you gonna pick me up?"
Jian Hong: "Yes, be there in half an hour..."
Mel: "Alright."

It had for sure a long while since the last time we got together. Myself being wandering around somewhere in the world, Zhan Peng spending most of the time on the ship, Fui stuck in Sydney, Boon and Jian Hong working in Singapore...

An hour later, I found myself on the car heading down to KL. All of a sudden, this had became a high school reunion. So unplanned reunion call for unplanned schedule. We took us more than 24 hours to reach KL, where normally 4 hours will be more than enough.

Why took so long... Considering a visit to the palm factory on the road, then having laksa and otak at Muar, followed by handing some hampers to someone and had some coffee with a friend... When we reached the county border, someone suggested to Genting. Thus, Genting would be then. While the guys stuck in the casino, I went straight to bed.

The same day, few hours later, time to check out... we dropped the key and went for some morning coffee. Finally when we reached KL... Great things happened... We were lost... Luckily, with a hand drawn map that hardly help and guessing + wild luck, we got to our destination, Mid Valley. While not so much of shopping, but just visiting some high school mates.

In less than 36 hours time, we were back in JB. So, Valentine was actually a high school reunion.

Blogging.

It is almost 20 days since I came back. The thing about being back home is that you can be as lazy as you want and no one will grumble. *Ermmmm... At least not at the moment.* This is an absolute good reason for not updating my blog. *While... The switching between the new and old version of the blogger system was a pain*

In the new year, I decided to give my blog a new theme, "What now..." Simply because I have no idea what will really happen this year and there will be a lot of uncertainties. Two more reports and a presentation, I will complete my master program. The plan is to be back to Singapore and work for couple of years before going back to Melbourne. Why? (1.) To spend some time with my parents (2.) A better starting work place for my study field (3.) It will be you~ *So... Have you figured out who you are?* I hope all these will work out. At this stage, I just have to believe it will work out *Crossed fingers* So I guess, "What now..." not only describe the simple yet complicated situation and also the feeling of walking on an unclear gloomy path. *Again, crossed fingers*

In the past few weeks, I have basically spent time with my family, catching up with friends *Starting to sweat... Still have a long list to go...* and reading books. Other than that, few things happened. I got scolded CB, as my dear lovely Racheal was dissapointed that I moved out from Melbourne CBD... we surprised Julian with a birthday celebration... Felicia is having her wedding banquet like now and she will for sure look great in her Nyonya dress... Celebrated Pin's birthday with a birthday song in car and he got a new mobile... *Smile* I ended with boy and he still think that it is my fault that everything ended up this way... Spending more time with fox and hope things will work out... *If he want so...* And... Cannot remember. *Smile* Oh ya, a new 8G ipod nano from mummy~

Dear folks, I am kicking my arse to blog now. So, don't nag... Actually I do love it, at least that tells me, someone is actually reading my stuff~ *Smile*

Good morning 2007 and goodbye 2006

As the fireworks shooting high up in the sky, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1~ Happy New Year! Everyone in the room gave one another a warm hug and greeted with wishful words. Then, there was champagne with berry liquor and Prost for a good year.

Good morning 2007 and goodbye 2006. I was leaving in less than 24 hours... So unbearable and I didn't feel like leaving. Yet, I had to leave. Before I stepped out from the door, Fiona gave me a warn hug with kisses and she said, "I am very happy to know you". Then, another hug. I was with no words, sadness in heart...

Headed down the staircase with Zi Jing, Stefan and their two kids, reached their car. Zi Jing walked me to the corner of the street. We chatted. Again, we hugged with kisses, no tears. I said, "leave with no tears, yet a big bright smile, so that we will meet one day..." and I walked back to where Stefan was. We had some words. Then, I walked back without turning my head back anymore.

When I got back. Lao Pan Niang was drunk *I guess she had couple more glasses of wine than usual...* and was sleeping on the couch. Yu Dong and Yu Xing were talking and drawing at the same time. I joined in and started to draw as well... We had champagne. The time tickled and soon it was morning. The first sun light of 2007 beamed through the chilly cloudy sky and I started to do some last minute packing. When time up, Lao Pan Niang drove me down to Vienna International Airport

We had some tea... Before I headed to the gate, I gave her a tight hug and said, "Thank you!" repeatedly. Waving goodbye, I walked toward the custom... My Europe trip ended on this day... For the moment... ... ... ... ... ...

Good year ahead and happy new year folks!