An uncertain 2007, yet a wonderful 2007!

31st December 2007 marks the very last day of 2007, has it been a good or bad? Simply splitting it like black and white is pointless, as the rainbow between the two sides shines our life and blesses us with meanings. That is what I think…

Last year on the very same day, writing a summary for the year, I said it had been a wonderful 2006 and an uncertain 2007 would come. Indeed, it was.

With my journey in Europe ended on the very first day of 2007, I knew that my phase of study was coming to an end very soon. It was about the time to get really serious about throwing in applications. The only problem then was I didn’t know where I would want to be. I wished to work in Australia, but my industry was very minor there. I wished to work in Singapore, but I did not have the status to apply for a decent job. I did know that I wished not to work in Malaysia, but that was the easier option. Nothing was decided and decisions were left unmade.

Bringing an indecisive me back to Melbourne did not help. Only that I started to think even more deeply about the circumstances while completing my master program. Meantime, I had started to put in applications, but only to find my worries reinstated. For a span of two months, there were only less than 10 jobs in the market, which I somehow was eligible to apply for. When I wanted to give up on Australia and just moved somewhere else, my family and friends were the strength of pillar holding me, keeping me here in Melbourne. For that and more than that, I love you all. Your encouragements, even pieces of words meant a lot.

In the midst of all these uncertainties, my heart was broken and I wasn’t happy. All my positive auras were sucked out of me. I felt empty in me. However, I am blessed with family and friends. They have always had faith in me. They stood by me quietly throughout that period, letting my emotional wounds cured by it and worries faded as time passed. Every now and then, they gave some words of wisdom that enlightened me. It took me more than 6 months to mend my shattered heart and now, I can say confidently that I am alright and have already accepted it. Fox and I still remain as friends. *smile*

People I will really want to note among the many are Iris and Eric. Thank you.

This year has been a year full of reflection and growth. I have lived through it with many inner struggles no doubt, yet many beautiful things have happened as 2008 approaches. I met some fantastic people and proud to associate with, I feel blessed. I found someone important in my life, I feel loved. I got a graduate job offer from Telstra, one of the 9 offers in Melbourne among thousand of application, I feel confidence...

I am grateful with my life and... I am starting to talk like a Christian... But I am not! I am still a very Buddhist! *laugh out loud*

An uncertain 2007, yet a wonderful 2007!

Deep in heart I know that my 2008 will be a fantastic one!

I hope that your 2007 will windup in good terms and happy 2008! *Kisses and hugs*

三天。

三天前，他要离开的那一天，我带着一颗洋葱，一手江鱼仔，一束香菜，一罐意式番茄酱，一包意大利面，几手洋式蘑菇和半瓶红酒到他家，为他准备晚餐。菜单：西式鲜味洋葱汤和红酒茄汁炖牛辗意大利面。而我在他还在为他家人和学弟妹做最后一分种购物时，早已把晚餐做好。

待在闷热的房子中，特别烦躁。真不知道是因为屋外３８度C的高温，还是因为屋内心情格外鼓噪的自己。我不停的擦拭额上滴下的汗水，但却擦拭不走心中那股闷气。其实，我是知道的，原因就只在于他就要离开了。他会离开墨尔本一个月半左右。

当他会到家，我们就开动了。他很喜欢西式鲜味洋葱汤，但对于我那下了不少功夫能与外面馆子过两手还有余的主菜，只说了，“I like my pasta with more sauce...”。我心一凉，只能是闷上加闷，也没说什么。之后，我催他赶快上楼收拾行李，碗碟让我洗好了。他没怎么理我，就自个儿走到洗盆前，利落的洗起碗碟，笑着说，“You hate washing dishes, I will do it.”。顿时，心情好了一半。

我是在意他的，我竟会主动洗碗。。。上一次发生的时候是何时？他是在意我的，他会不让我洗碗。满简单的一件事，道出彼此之间相互的体贴。

之后，我们也谈不上几句。他忙着整理，严肃间带着疲倦，他也不让我帮忙。我一动手，他就发飙，也落了猛话，“You are not my housewife... Don't treat me like a kid...”。闷了一阵，我按捺不住反了他一句，“If I don't give a fuck care, I will not even be here!”。他愣了一下，突然笑了。我呢？我就静静的伏躺在床上看着他。。。咬牙变拗只在于件微不足道的小事。现在想起，觉得彼此都有点孩子气。

虽然整个晚上有点心闷，但当他坐着巴士离开的时候，心中那股郁闷早已烟消云散，只剩下想着他的那思绪。我看着他在机场发送给我的短讯，“... Don't miss me too much.”，不禁笑了。

三天后，我依然想着他。我又如何能不呢？

圣诞夜。

圣诞夜是一个基督徒重要弥撒的夜晚，是一个西方团圆的夜晚，是一个狂欢的夜晚，是一个平安的夜晚，。。。但对于我来说，这夜晚从来不带任何特别意义，这夜晚只是在平常不过的夜晚。但曾几何时，圣诞夜的定义悄悄的变了。

只因为有了他。

如往年般，朋友家都会开派对，决定了去那一家，就开始准备。今年，我和他会到Laney和Anthony的家度圣诞夜。主题，“Everything that is Green, red, white, gold and silver”和私家菜。

在大家还在睡梦中的时候，我早已起身准备。九点钟未到，就把Anthony吵醒，就把他从床上拉出来打扫布置。Laney需要工作，所以我自告奋勇来帮他们，同时也是为了封他们难缠又不饶人的两张嘴。他两三不五时的大合唱，再加设个十面埋伏天下围攻阵，左酸一句右酸一句，让我笑的合不拢嘴。哈哈哈哈哈哈～我应该生气的。哈哈哈哈哈哈～之后那下午，我跟他到处逛逛，再到他家煮我那道私房菜和笼络人心。我炒多几样小菜，慰劳他室友的五脏府。哈哈哈哈哈哈～

时间差不多的时候，我们拿了该拿的，就走去Laney她家。圣诞夜是多么的热闹，派对该有的美味佳肴，玲珑玉露aka一大堆的酒饮，圣诞日倒数，好伴，交换礼物，拉人拍照，Drinking Game等等等，真的好不热闹。再之，看着他满脸我帮他盖的的红色盖章，时而被罚到阳台对外狂吼，时而被罚做奇怪的东东。。。让我笑得肚子疼到不行。但是，让我心甜的是他那不时看着我的眼神。每每让我发现的时候，我会心的一笑，让他有些慌，他会说，“What?”，而我也只是笑着。

而当夜晚慢慢的放缓，宁静取代了喧闹，我和他早已静静的依偎着，就我和他。聆听着播放机传来那首他点给我的爵士情歌，轻闻着他传来淡淡薄荷的体香，遥望这那微亮又深邃的夜晚，速写着我两对彼此情意祝福，不说一句一话的相拥入眠。

这是个特别的圣诞夜，我和他的第一个圣诞夜。闹静，我他，我们睡了。

三歲小孩也不屑的話。

懶洋洋的星期天，本應是在家偷閒的大好時刻，但鬧鐘沒到八點就已經唱起孫燕姿的Honey Honey單曲，是時候起身了。我下定決心不再遲到！說真的，大部分的時間都是我等別人，可是呢。。。偏偏前幾次約會，我都遲到了。雖然他嘴上沒提，我知道他不喜歡別人遲到。今天，我下定決心不再遲到！睡意朦朧的爬出房門，是我今早的縮命。

就在我踏出房門的那一刻，冷不防的見到YC一立馬就要出門的勢！他轉過身對我說，“我現在要到飛機場接Dicky。。。”，他印尼來的朋友。我如冷水灌頂般，頓時整個人都醒了，心裡起嘀咕，“什麼？什麼！你現在要出門，那我不是會遲到嗎？！”，心裡如鐹上螞蟻，急如焚，心情跌到谷底。五秒鍾前的決心即刻粉碎殆盡。。。慘了！

據理力爭，再加上三分威逼要挾，我竟然說了些連三歲小孩也不屑的話。我竟然說，“如果你害我遲到，我馬上把房間弄亂！”。我傻楞了眼。我說的是什麼胡爛。心裡剎那間為自己說出的話覺得無地自容，這些年都白修了，內功修為半點不到家。

我是真的有點慌了，竟亂了陣腳，耍起了孩子脾氣。雖有點羞家，但從另一個角度來看，我是在意他的。傻氣的回應折射了我對他的心意，嘿。

巧克力，青苹果和午餐。

天枰座的我是渴望爱情的。早已忘了何时开始，有意识的，无意识的，总是在茫茫人海中，一天接着一天，左顾右盼，环顾四周，尝试着找寻这么一个人。

感觉上。。。就好像在等巴士。

耳里听着Ipod微微传来的音乐，嘴上哼着爱情如何灿烂凄凉，脑里读着永远读不完的小说，坐在那菱角渐钝的长凳上等着，等着巴士的到来。巴士一辆接着一辆的到来与离去，眼生中重复着一刹那的希望与失望，时高时低的落差让人难受，到底何时会到来呢？看着左腕上不停跳动的时针，心理除了干躁急，就只有无奈的等。偶尔也会有先上车吧的冲动。但是，终究还是却步了。毕竟巴士要是上错了，始终还是要下车。等待的当儿，也会不时地担心是否会错过？

这感觉。。。就好像在等自己迷失了的另一半。

他会是那一半吗？我不知道，但我希望是。

我知道的是我喜欢他。

睡醒眼睛渐开，我就会想起他那张笑脸。想着他，我会不经意的笑开怀。靠着他，我会很舒服，会很自在。看着他的浅棕色的瞳孔，我有想亲他的冲动。牵着他的手，我会很逗趣地去搔他的掌心。搂着他在怀中小睡，我会试着不让他被我吵醒。手指轻轻滑过他的头发之间，我觉得。。。怎么说呢。。。很平静，很舒适，很开心，有点幸福的味道。

但更多的是，他那看不到和摸不到的心意，和他让我一次又一次的心动。

他用一盒巧克力，一棵青苹果和一顿他准备的午餐，就把我搞定了。让爱情小乌龟加犹豫不定天枰座的我，竟很快的下了决定，问了那关键的一句，就在12月18日的那一个夏午。

而如今，他已是我男朋友！

约会.

一个人需要多少时间才能决定对一个人的喜欢？

我呢。。。少于五秒钟。我脸上合不拢的微笑，很单纯得告诉我。。。我喜欢他。

一见钟情。

而他呢？我想也是。毕竟是他主动约我的，一连两天，昨天短休，再接今明两天。

第一次约会，他对之前的讯息来回而让我迟迟未能入眠感到抱歉。他一大清早回到Koko Black买了巧克力送我赔不是。看着他，我还是说声谢加上，“You are forgiven!”。其实，我没生气，他约我，我还觉得蛮开心的。虽然只是件小插曲，他体贴的心意，我感受到了。舒舒服服的坐在旧式皮革大椅，喝着温温的雏菊茶，脸带些许幸福与微笑的闲聊。那是个很悠游夏午，有点忘了时间的夏午。

我陪他走到他上班地点的前一个红路灯，就在那儿说再见。当我回头望的时候，他也回头望了。

第二次约会，我迟到了半个小时！都是火车转换跑道。。。都是我多事儿帮助别人。。。我迟到了！我带着些许紧张的心情跑到约会地点。我看到他了。我啊。。。有些失态，有些慌乱，忙着对不起对不起。而他什么也没说，脸带笑容的把一粒青苹果递给我说，“This is for you.”。他就这样安抚了我，一句抱怨的话也没有。那天早上，我带他到South Melbourne一间环境很棒的小店吃早餐，再逛逛临近富有特色的小店画廊。。。我的手靠着他的手，距离逐渐消失，很自然的，很自然的，仿佛我俩之间起了些很微妙的变化。我们就这样过了一个悠游的早上，又忘了时间。

他陪我等电车，等我上了电车才离开。当我回头望的时候，他还在那儿。

甜甜的，心情超棒！我打起羽毛球也格外利落。

。。。但会否只是昙花一现呢？我有点不安，但我也不去想太多。。。

这就是缘吧？

一个很随性的决定，一杯Iced Chocolate和几杯水，我和他悄悄的开始了。只是朋友呢？还是。。。当时的我，想都没想过。

那天晚上，一般老朋友吃了晚饭，想说找个地方聊聊聚聚，说茶不行，喝咖啡又怕睡不着，酒又怕伤身，最后说到巧克力，那些女人二话不多说，减肥体重什么的都抛出脑后，就这样拍板定案。到了那儿，一楼满了，唯有到二楼。光顾了Koko Black这些年，我还真的今天才知道这间分店有二楼，察事儿于微的我这几年都白来了。坐在那旧式皮革扶椅上，还真是舒服舒坦。但是幸福只维持了30秒，都让女人给坐了。她们不赶我，绅士风度嘛，自动自发。。。

他就在那，但那时的我完全不知情。背着他闲聊，背着他狂笑，背着他点喝的，背着他让他添水。。。没真地去留心周遭的一切，只是单纯觉得当天的服务太棒了，服务生的他格外体贴，三不五时得来回为我们添水，就这样。。。直到Ling跟他开始闲聊了起来，我才稍微看到他的侧面。给人的感觉很舒服，总是笑脸迎人。但由于坐姿的缘由，我也没看得很清楚，也就没当一回事儿了。他走了之后，Ling和Felicia拿他当话题，看到帅哥，谈帅哥，再谈是否同性恋云云，还寻求我的意见。我又不会测古今未来，八卦四象两易半巧不通，也只能笑笑说，“可能吧。”那晚就这样闲话家常的谢幕了。

累得跟什么一样，回到家已经凌晨两点多了。。。冲了个热水澡，上下网回电邮，打算等头发干了就抱头大睡。查阅电邮信箱的时候，来了封刚结交网友的信，问我是否今晚曾到Koko Black。心想会是谁呢？直截了当的回了之后，就爬上床睡觉。那一刻，电话响了，有讯息，拿起一读，“I was the one pouring water”，原来他就是他。

躺在床上的我，时而合眼，时而半开，手指头按着键，讯息来回发送，约好了下午见面，接着我最后封讯息，“Are you gonna let me sleep now? ;O)”和他最后封讯息，“Opz… Sorry. Have a restful sleep. Nite.”，那已经是早上凌晨五点了，睡意早没了。。。但甜甜的。

时而相信，时而怀疑，真的有缘分这回事儿吗? 我不经懊恼。。。

到底会是什么呢？

P/S：向智菁我的大小姐，中文是为了方便你才写的哦~

Graduated!

Finally... For God sake... I am done... I am so done with my studies!

I G R A D U A T E D!!!!!

La la la la la ya la da la da~ *wink wink wink*

Human Rights Day.

10th December ---> Human Rights Day...

Reading various articles about the current human rights issues yesterday, I couldn't help thinking, what does it really mean? How does it translucent into actual action and something more than papers?

Headlines such as China Bad Records in Human Right, Human Rights Violation in Zimbabwe, Genocide in West Papua... flashed out every now and then on the news channel certainly help none to answer my question. How about some of the well developed western nation?

In a nut shell ---> 1. The Right to Equality 2. The Right to Freedom 3. The Right to Freedom of Religion 4. The Right against Exploitation 5. Cultural and Educational Rights 6. The Right to Constitutional Remedies.

Yes, indeed I found some clues, yet not quite… However after a deeper thought, I wonder do they practise it thoroughly? I have serious doubt.

I was reading the newspaper then ---> 1. US faked details and mislead the international community in waring Iraq 2. US tolerate the militaria dictatorship in Pakistan 3. Russia's strong fist action on Chechnya rebels 4. Portugal and Spain's strong position against separatists 5. Israel's arguable action on Palestine, alright I will say invasive...

It seems to me that human rights vary depending on situations. Rather than being a value or norm, it looks more like an excuse to intervene under the name of national interests and securities. Human rights with a labelled condition? Isn't it hypocritical?

Should human rights have to fit within a size 4 dress that those in power define it as perfect? I don’t know the right answer for that and I doubt even so. The day when everyone is happy is yet anywhere near.

I merely hope for the basic of the basics that poverty will be a word in history and no more war.

Road to end job hunting.

It is 1:23am in the morning and I am still awake. Not that I choose to, just that after 3 hours of struggling to fall into sleep, anyone would give up on sleeping for the time being...

It has been a long while since my last post, many things had happened and I am simply too lazy to write. Yap, no excuse. Other than my usual enjoying life, one thing that really been squeezing my brain was my job hunting.

After some efforts, *well... many will say that my effort is almost none, but still...* I finally got a graduate offer! Yeah, it should be something worth well to celebrate, but not quite so.

I had always intended to start my first career in Singapore, follow by Australia and then Malaysia. So when I applied for the Maxis executive graduate program, it was more like applying it for fun. The position description looks fantastic and why not. That was my one and only job application for Malaysia. Ironically, that become my first offer!

I could not start wondering was it a big joke or some meant to be challenge? I asked myself... As offer was made on spot, it pretty much left me with not much time to consider. As a result, I took the offer. Having said so, I still find it hard to accept the pay being puny when spend out of Malaysia *I know I should not compare, but...* and concern whether my skin color will a problem to climb the corporate ladder... ya da ya da... Nonetheless, that was the right thing to do at that moment, as that was the only offer on the table.

Having that on my mind for weeks, not gone... I went for some other interviews. Unexpectedly or should I say expected, *not so sure...* I got my first offer in Australia and something pretty good. I was given a place in the Telstra graduate program, one of the eight offers in Melbourne. On top of that, the salary package is great, I will be working in Melbourne CBD... It did not take me a second to think whether to accept the offer when the news was broken to me. I took it. Reflecting back, this offer fits exactly what I have been looking in Australia so far.

I am feeling great! Even after a week, I still feel that!

Things slowly fall into place and it is gonna be better. I deeply believe!

One thing I do learn about all this job hunting is that one has to be patience, patience and patience. It is just a matter of time. Having said so, it is never easy. Knowing it and accepting it, is totally two different things.

I hope my bed is calling now... I really need to sleep for an early morning and I ain't feeling sleepy. *cry*